mixedrace?

Bitterness and a Fiery Disposition

2011-09-03T01:47:00.000+01:00

"Mirae... Mirae..." I hear a voice in the distance calling my name yet I can't answer. The suppressive darkness starts to fall apart and pieces of light start coming together, like bits of a puzzle. I feel strong arms holding my burdensome frame. Warm. Safe. Joy. All of a sudden, the heaviness flies from my eyes and strong, bright light momentarily blinds me. Blink-blink. It's all white, with not a hint of greens, flowers or fields in sight. Ah, that was a dream? I thought.

"Mirae? Mirae! Thank God you're awake, for a moment there..." someone's worried husky voice fills my head and I'm snatched into an embrace that almost chokes me. I almost loose consciousness again when I am pulled away again. Who's the fool who's trying to kill me?? I screamed in my head. Looking up, I see clear green eyes that reminded me of summer grass, a beautifully sculpted face, that jawline I knew so well. SNAP. A whip-like sound goes off in my head. No, no. Must not get pulled in. Must not get pulled in. Fool.

"I was so worried. So, so worried. Are you ok?.." There he goes again; off on a verbal rampage that would give a headache to the most staunch of people. With what little strength I had left, I pushed him away. Scooted as far as I could on the cold hard floor of... the Orion, I think it was. "Ah!" I screamed out in pain, the after-effects of whatever poison had entered my system was making a vicious attack on the left side of my head. Curling up on the floor, I felt those strong arms around me again. "No!" propelled by the pain echoing through my system, I pushed him away. His shocked and hurt beautiful green eyes were the last thing I remember before everything disappeared.

Copyright.

Non-entity

2011-08-27T05:49:00.001+01:00

"I'll never leave you again...ever, ever again~"
The melodious voice plays in the background while rain shatters against the window. Kaora stares over the dull landscape as the silent tears run down her bloodied cheeks. The drying metallic-like blood caked on her tunic wafted around her as the chains clamped down on Kaora's fragile wrists. The bell outside rings endlessly to give fair warning of The Event. "Come hither, come hither," it seemed to say, gathering a crowd, sadistically waiting for the end of yet another non-entity.

Copyright © Nix

random..

2011-06-27T15:35:00.000+01:00

ohh~
i'm bout done with you~
you make everything an issue
and when you look around
and i'm not bound
to ur side~
everything's wrong

oh~
leme make it clear to you
i'm not yours. to own
no~
i'm yours to love
so~
dont be thinkin ur above - me
tht you're juz tryna protect - me

u treat me like ur possession
even given me no room to breathe

should i . . .

2011-05-06T13:27:00.002+01:00

endlessly write til my mind grows numb?

From This Room Within

I stare at my computer screen. Unable to move, unable to care about the first wisps of a lingering stench. Clean, crumpled clothes at the foot of a messy bed silently beg to be folded, hung and cared for, but lay cowering and limp instead. My glazed over eyes care not anymore; not for myself, for my room, nor for the world, as I lay there, occasionally eating ramen to appease the growling demon that awakes every so often.

As I swing my feet out of bed, I notice a part of the bed has sunk. Unable to take the everyday load that I am.The laminated floor had given up on even seeing daylight as books of every genre lay lifeless on the floor; calculators, sellotape, empty bottles of water and lucozade. Ah, the bags I was debating about...now both half empty and tired.

I'm told that these four walls have bound me to them. But if I like staying secluded, messy, relaxed, with not a care in the world, then does that mean I've bound the four walls to me?

Check out my new AVON eBrochure!

2011-03-09T20:47:00.001Z

To be continued . . . .

2011-01-10T18:14:00.001Z

Selfish desires eat me alive

while I'm thrown into the vicious storm

all the while fighting a war with myself

old post

2011-01-06T00:48:00.002Z

All those who have entered my life are not forgotten. Each and every passing day spent with all of you out there have been a true blessing to me.

I miss the days when all i had to think about was my homework.

When I had after-school activities.

When I thought detention was Hell, so i tried to be good to avoid it.

When T'chers told u to read ur mothertongue book on Friday (nd i read Harry Potter that one time....MAN i hated picking up the rubbish!! -_-").

i miss lounging at the Pasir Ris Bus Interchange with a large fizzy drink and chatting a lot of shit with a WHOLE group of you.... and those other times we just chilled in the corners of tht interchange in our uniforms. lol

I miss the library in White Sands.....where we bought ridiculously expensive wedges just so we could hang out a little bit longer.

i miss spending most of my money in tht library cafe......lol

i miss the times we creeped around the library, looking for romance books. (i have a vivid picture of Dayah in my head, when we were in some secluded part of the library flicking through books. lol)

i miss the sushi from the basement supermarket.....cold storage???? or something else.....i duno lah....

i miss the long and odious maths lessons and the naughty nicknames we gave to Ms.....Lohan? oh crap, i only remember in Sec 2 we nicknamed her Lohan.....the fish?? with tht forhead......she was sweet, although she was much more immersed in solving the mathematics on the board than actually noticing us.......behind her.

the Science lesson, when we finally reached Chapter 7......Sexual Reproduction.

The noise the boys made when we did.

I Miss Coral Secondary school and the excitement I felt every morning at the start of a new day.

I miss the feeling of starting A levels. the love i finally felt at solving a calculus equation (YAYE!!!

i miss the HUGE class in 1st year A levels.

and i was thankful for the Little classes in A2 (2nd year).....

and the stupid things people said, did, or WORE in the downstairs "Study Room". i seem to remember a guy wearing a bright yellow t-shirt with a Plate, and a fork and spoon on either side, with a blue outline-picture of a cat in the middle of the plate, and the words below:
Eat Pussy.

and the furore that caused wherever he went. LOL.

I remember proving that "a lot" was 2 words. Not one, as in: alot. even opening up MS Word and spelling it. (lol....)

i remember the stuffy biology room in the summer and the closed in feeling i used to get in AS.....during classes. which Mr Rothery more than made up with his amusing........musings while teaching. LOL.

I remember the small, bespectacled malaysian-chinese guy in tht class and how he never spoke to anybody. T_T

i missed it when there were only 12 (or 11??) of us in the class and we went on a 5 day "trip" of a lifetime.(Mr Ellis is THE BEST TEACHER EVER!!!)

i miss the things we did during those tiring, but well-worth-it days. and the movies we watched. the camp-fire. the COLD. the "snow" the trees. the grass. the measuring. the statistics. the pain of trying to prove that the NULL hypothesis was wrong and there WAS a difference of the height of watever- it-was-that-i-was-measuring in the shaded areas and the sunlit areas.

i miss those uncomfortable (and COLD) wellingtons.

i miss us lot taking a measurement of sunlight as a reference value.

i miss those yucky snails we had to catch for our first task.

I miss the silly things we used to do in the "Study Room" after school.

I miss trying to outsmart the school system and going on websites tht were..........(not) connected to our education....or our coursework.

I miss the jokes we made in Biology....

i miss the birthdays we had in tht class and the fact that i had to sing for the birthday person every time there was a birthday.

i miss ALL MY MOMENTS IN UNI......which i will write about next time coz i'm too tired thinking.... T_T

Most of all

I miss the all Teachers/ Lecturers who inspired me and lead me along my merry way. Thank you all for coming into my life and Blessing Me. xoxo

And.....

2010-11-30T13:23:00.000Z

And so I've turned within again, although why I feel like typing endlessly like this I do not know, nor do I understand - or care for that matter.

Well, when I have time, hopefully, I can scan my drawings/designs in their cartoon-like splendour on one of my other blogs. I won't, of course be linking the blogs - my design blog to my diary-like blog. It's ridiculous. And I'll clear this off my blog profile too.

One thing I'd like to make clear. The designs will be for Hijabi females:

Dress-like tops
Knee-length
Colourful, but not ridiculous
Long sleeved
Versatile
Casual/Smart-wear
A-line and Empire-shaped

If there's one thing I'm irritated about, it's the fact that curvy, pear-shaped women are not catered to, or they aren't catered enough in the current market. Although that'll be my target market, there will be designs for the other body shapes that exist out there.

The drawings themselves will be insufficient, because they'll look like any other tunics out there, so I'm going to have to annotate them.

WELL....

that's the plan. let's see if they'll come to fruitation!!

JAANEEE!!

mizzNix

And So....

2010-11-25T13:51:00.000Z

My mood has considerably lightened owing to the fact that all those major nasty courseworks are handed in, albeit later than was warranted.

I've been trying to write poetry recently. for some unknown reason. the ones that i think are good are flops and the ones that i think aren't so good......really aren't so good. HaHa~!

ah. i want to design fashion jewellery. and clothes. i noticed that the clothes i'm wearing are about 36" instead of 40+".....i'm such a ditz. was trying to shop online and only looked at the 39"-42" ones. the only way they'd look good was if i coupled them with slim-fit-like jeans and a nice pair of heels, simply because I'm a "covered woman" and hence must cover. lol.

well. thinking about designing jewellery or brooches, of the safety pin/kilt-like kind, makes me dizzy with excitement. now I just have to concentrate on trying to get more Avon customers, God-willing and be on my merry way with driving lessons......which i much consider whether i want auto or manual. the latter is cheaper, but the former involves a lot less hassle when driving. no need to change the gear every so often.

well. when i have money ey?

until next time.

x.mE.x

UNtitled

2010-11-12T10:27:00.001Z

Aku tak kisah lagi. Hatiku yang gelap ini, sudah mati. Jikalau ia terhidup lagi, itu memang nasib aku. Tetapi, di masa ini, airmataku jatuh berlinang-linang, sampai aku tak sempat tarik nafas. Sampai aku terasa berat dan tidak boleh bergerak lagi.

Translation:
I don't care anymore. This dark heart has died. If it ever lives again, that is indeed my miracle. But at this moment in time, my tears fall, until I can't breathe. Until I feel heavy and can't move anymore.

It seems as though this blog really is a type of release for me. Although the whole world can see that I'm an overly dramatic, depressed, otaku-type, baaaaaaaaad poet, you don't know me as me. Unless you're my mates. In that case, it's ok. Nobody really reads the shizz I write anyway.

For How Long . . .

2010-11-11T22:21:00.000Z

The below is a very bad poem. Read at your own risk. Oh, and it's sort of like rapping, but not. coz in the second "stanza" (if you can call it that), it looses all sense of rhythm. in fact...it's very higgledy-piggledy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For how long will it last
For how long will I run
It's a joke
And I know
That you poke
fun at me
And I willingly
Take your snobby
looks that you be
throwing at me
thinking I can't
see or feel or hear what ya'll be
shouting at me

Now I'm cast aside
put aside
tolerated - I hide
But I'm found
And bound
Once again - shackled and gagged
cut off and bagged
So I can't utter
a word - thrown into the gutter to Hades.
Burnt beyond recognition,
I spill and sputter
Black Blood boiled from silent screams
Nightmares? Dreams?
Then I'm thrown back
After their attack
Barely breathing, I lack
energy to cry
So tumbling and crumbling into the Abyss
within me
I'm finally free
With this - My Darkest Bliss

What am I doing

2010-11-10T19:18:00.000Z

really. What am I doing?
I feel sick, the work load is endless, and i feel like i'm suffocating. The fact that there's no one to help, or that I don't want anyone to help, because i feel like i'm far far far far far behind - doesn't help either.

i don't know what to do, and all that i feel like doing is curling myself up and sleeping for days....maybe for forever.

i keep telling myself i CAN do this. but it's getting harder every day.

No turning back

2010-11-09T17:01:00.000Z

I've turned within myself. And it hurts, but i can't seem to get out of the hole I've dug up for myself. I want another path but I can't seem to confidently say I'll excell everybody else, because it just doesn't seem like i will. I've never tried it but......

and i can't seem to turn to The One who can help me.

a little part of me has died, but everyone thinks i'm always happy. it's starting to make me feel even more depressed than i already am.

Official

2010-11-09T12:00:00.000Z

i'm starting to lose it. i can't seem to like what i do anymore and it's a pain to do this.

i'm crashing, and it feels like, this time, i'm gona smash into the jagged rocks below.

may God help me in my endeavours.

Graduation and a whole load of work.....

2010-11-05T22:54:00.000Z

I actually couldn't be bothered. I don't feel as if I've graduated and it didn't feel so much like a good thing to be a graduate. Especially when your prospects look so bleak and ur stuck doing your masters for another 12 months. I see it as an absolute pain, but HEY, to each his own ey?

I've just realised that I've got 4 things to hand in the week i go into uni. Not good, considering the fact that I havent started on even 1 yet. I'm such a procrastinator.

And now my dad's fuming coz i forgot to tell him about my graduation ceremony and the fact that there was a picture taking moment. argh. i can't be bothered anymore.

My whole life's a joke and i can't stand what I'm doing anymore. There are those brief moments when i think, "ah! this is SO cool!" and then those moments fly away quickly 2 seconds later. i love science, but not enough to suffer this much for it.i'm dying. truly. this shit we do in masters KILLs me. and now i have work 2morrow. Heck, I'm not the only person suffering in this world:

LIFE. IS. A. BIATCH.

TRULY.

until next time.

jaanee...

XXX

How regular of me...

2010-11-04T20:23:00.000Z

Maybe it's because i feel the need to hide away from Facebook, with the amount of people there, it's starting to get stifling. And the phone calls from "friends" don't help either.

Twitter isn't easily accessible via T-mobile. if i could text my tweets, i'd use it more. far far more than facebook. today's also been non-productive, with me finally going into any romcom available on AznvTv.

And the calls just keep coming.

I think i'm starting to get a mental break down. but maybe it's my over-reactive self who doesnt want to pick phones up that is leading me to looking at the phone in fear. my mobile is now my enemy. lol. and i can't reach my most important friends in S'pore. who don't cause my mental state to crack, but tht may be because i'm here, and they're there. I'm trying to keep my paragraphs together, but it's a bit hard, since a new paragraph is usually used when a new subject, or scene, or part of a scene is used/written about/described. So I guess i'm used to writing with that in mind.

Argh. I look at my work, and all i see is gibberish. restriction enzymes, APL, critical analysis...... i can't think anymore. And i gues tht's what's tearing me apart...

until next time...

matta Jaaaanee . . . . .

And Now . . . .

2010-11-03T15:03:00.000Z

I was supposed to go to work this afternoon, but I haven't finished half the things I'm supposed to, and my Undergraduation ceremony is in 3 days time.

But i'm doing my Masters. and i'm feeling like i'm falling even faster than i did back in the Undergrad times. I can't help it. It feels like the "new" life i have now is stifling. making me barely tolerable of even the faintest of friends. I can't help it. i like being left alone. if i don't come to you, it's because i like my distance. but then again, there's been no-one who's been able to climb the high wall i've built. and everyone thinks it's hateful that I'm not picking up the phone, or replying. When all I'm doing is running away. Because they've given me such a high status. And now I'm running out of money. Which never helps.

I keep telling myself i have things to do, but I never have time to do it. Then, there's the money aspect, coz I nver have enough to save.

This Avon thing...lol, am I spending more than I'm buying? and is it helping me, or is it making me even more of a recluse than I'm already starting to be?

Argh.....whatever. I need to grow up. And learn more about communicating with other Humans.

Other than that, until next time.

Janee!

I've Decided . . .

2010-11-02T16:01:00.000Z

I know what I want to do with this blog.

I am a slight recluse. If it wasn't for the fact that I have to go out and work as well as go to Uni, I'd be stuck at home all day, with the odd "good" day - where I go out.

Otherwise. I sit at home. Watching JDoramas, or Kdramas all day - and night. Once, I wanted to finish off Atashinchi no Danshi / アタシんちの男子, (BIG Horikita Maki fan - FYI, I'm female, I just love her acting skills, plus she's easy on the eyes) and i didn't sleep until 7am the next day. Forget clubs, this is my way of partying.
......................................................................................
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...................
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......
...

-_-"

And now I sound like an Otaku. But the thing is.....i'm not reeeeaallly. chotto. but not much.

But then again, I'm not passionate about anything in life. The Dreams I harbour are not mine. And what I want to do in my heart, I have no courage to explore it.

Photography. Web/Graphics designing. I mean really, look at my web page, i just used Blogger's boring brown template. And I want to own my own fashion label. With a friend in mind. But I don't have the courage to go in deep. Really deep. And find out why I like them enough to pursue them. So right now, I'm floundering aroung like a half dead fish that's about to drown in too much air....while I'm trying to fight off this oppressive feeling in my heart that tells me that I wana DO something.......but what is it??

until next time.....

Janee!

The Confession of a Besotted Woman...

2010-06-10T00:13:00.004+01:00

It's been at least 7 years. And I see you. I saw you. We're different. But the same.

I liked you then, but didn't know it. I like you now and feel freaked out by it. You always had my attention, though I wasn't looking straight at you. Always there in my thoughts.

I'd like to say sorry, but is it too late? Is your heart taken? Are you taken? Is someone else yours and are you someone else's? I'm hoping. Praying. With every passing day, I want to see you more. But I'm scared. Scared that I wont be good enough for you. Scared I'm not good-looking enough for you. Because I'm vain you see. And this vanity is what kills me inside for thinking that I'm not good enough for you.

Most of all, I'm scared you don't love me anymore. Gone are those days of innocent laughter. Innocent teasing. Oh, you used to drive me crazy. I thought you were crazy, always mocking me, picking at every little thing.

Even though it's clear now. I can't turn back time. I can't go to those days and tell you "I'm yours" I can't tell you I'll always wait for you, I can't tell you how much I loved it when you drove me crazy.....Because those days are gone.

You're my ideal man. You were my ideal guy. Still are. Funny, sarcastic, scathing, gentle. Cute and a little out of it.

It's a shame. But I'll never tell you this. I'll never show you how I feel. Because I'm scared. Because I don't think you like me that way anymore. And because we've grown up, I'm scared that these feelings are only a mirror of what I once felt. I'm scared that what I'm feeling isn't real. Is it real? I don't know. I've given up trying to push you out of my thoughts.

Murderous jealousy possesses me so that I am unable to think at the mere thought of you with another woman. But This Love finished before it even began.

So why am I dwelling on a yesterday that never happened, an "Us" that never existed and our lazy yesterdays in innocence? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Pyrexia

2010-05-31T21:13:00.003+01:00

Panadol keeps off the pyrexia

Liquids prevent the tonsils from inflamming...by keeping it hydrated.

But aint nothin there to help prevent the body from being in pain....ok the panadol is an overall analgesic. i mean, it's an NSAID. non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug.

this is too much like deja vu. no. scratch tht. As a child, it wasn't abnormal for me to be K.O.'d by a fever for at least 2 days.

symptoms before The Fever:

*all over body ache

*lethargy

*shivering

*heat around the eyes, telling me my temperature is ready to SOAR.....HIGH. Very High.

*feeling like the lower back was crippled and so i couldn't sit up straight, because i didn't have the energy to go against gravity....so i ended up laying down

*cold...generally it felt like the temperature went all the way down to freezing

*then laying down.....and feeling like I'd been run over by several coaches, trucks, buses, you name it, it felt like it; stampeded on by hyenas, elephants, rhinos, hippos....and sat on by various fat, obese, oversized humans and animals......at this point in time my usually coherent thoughts are a mess. more so then they usually are.

because the first signs of a raging fever are showing and i'm worried, because my FINAL YEAR EXAM is this Friday. Today is Monday. I'll be KO'd for 2 days, but usually, it's 2 days after the body ache and the heat around the eyes that i get The Fever.

or maybe it's the COLD that is going round...WTF man...it's friggin Spring....Summer-ish....

final sentence.............

FEEL

AB-SO-LUTE

SHIT.

Dessertation

2010-04-20T21:07:00.002+01:00

It seems that the more stressed i am, the more I want to write the nonsensical. and things dnt make sense.

I have a major headache.

I dnt know why I do this to myself.

it's not like I'm a genius who can get at least average grades without doing anything, if at all.

i wana rest my poor head now.

headache like a mofo blasting through....

sh*t......

this damn headache's preventing me from thinkin.....

damnit.

9 Years

2010-04-02T00:00:00.000+01:00

9 Years without you, I'm still walkin
9 Years gone and i'm still holdin
Holdin out without you, though I've been broken
Holdin out without you, though my soul's been taken

9 Years
Every now and then the tears fall
And sometimes I can only crawl
It hurts
But the worst of the storm's gone
It hurts
And now the pain's a dull throb

Thinkin back, I coulda been better
Thinkin back, I shoulda done better
Thinkin back, I didnt know how much time you had
Thinkin back, I was only thinkin of me, me, me

Can't change nothin now,
U gone
Can't change nothin now
It's done
You was here and now u aint

I dreamt of you and laughed
I dreamt of you and cried
Cried in the early morning
While the whole house slept

I begged
I pleaded
In that dream I screamed
In that dream I wept
But you only looked at me
Sadly shook your head and left

I woke up
And it felt like I was torn
Torn into a million peices and more
Torn so that only air remained...if that

And it hurt
9 years does a lotta good
But those years only emphasized

You aint here

But I am

Dessertation

2010-02-19T19:09:00.003Z

Ok so here's how i see it.....i'm supposed to already start my dessertation, but i cant be asked....

i dnt even have the energy to search for anything to watch on aznv.tv anymore... i just want to watch a romantic comedy, bt i've rinsed almost everything out.

and all the (shoujo) mangas have been rinsed out by me too..... i'm waiting for them to be updated. not that onemanga is the only manga site i use.....apparently mangafox is supposed to be faster and more updated, i think i'd only agree to a certain level..... onemanga is better because the website navigation is easier and you can FIND HOW you can go by genre MUCH easier than all the other sites, like mangatoshokan and mangahut.....

I'd buy them, if i had money and if the manga came out fast enough and...ofc wen i have space to store them....or maybe i should buy them and donate them to my local library....at least i know they'll be read and shared and i can re-read them anytime i want to, provided they arent already taken out and borrowed at tht given time......

I ACTUALLY LOVE THT IDEA.......

ok vampire......watsitcalled.... i shall go to waterstones in camden and BUY you....muwaahahahahahahahaha...... ah! and i have to find... manhua....Kooooreaaannnn

i love Kooooreeeeaaa......NO i'm not Korean, they just have the best rom-com. the japs are great too....it's just that......i dnt get to see a lot OF them.....and i LOVE romantice Comedies...i LIVE on them.....

i just can't stand the american and British ones anymore. I think it's becoz of my conservative tendencies, but i like the sweet kisses of the family-allowed rom-coms.....or at least.....the ones with the mild swearing and the YA! Kejisekya.....i know it's TERRIBLE phonetic spelling (or COMPLETELY incorrect, come to think of it), but....lemme see....keji is dog...i think... !!chogiyo~!...can an english speaking Korean be my pen pal even if it's only a LITTLE bit of english?....AH!!! I should look at those penpal websites!!! well, anyway, that word is supposed to mean.....son of a bitch??? it cnt possibly mean bastard....??

well

i need to learn to READ korean, so i can get my pronouciation right.... it's like my arabic. if i dnt know a word, i usually ask my dad to spell it.... i do tht with my dad with english. it helps in word formation.

well.......gtg.....

xxx

muahx!

Time

2010-02-17T23:32:00.002Z

I swear.....time management skills are of the essence....

and having a body tht hurts all the damn time plus a cold tht grups all my body...i just wana sleep. PLUS i've got a lab pract 2morow....how sucky is tht??

made chicken soup and then porridge....but it doesn't taste the same as Singaporean ones.... I wana ask my aunty how to make chicken porridge....coz i can officially say tht mine aint as good....

Ah...and i guess i have an attention problem.. I need lots of attention on me in appropriate places and times.... as in FB? perfect amount of ppl. Everyone says I'm entertaining.

well....watevs.....i love my Kdramas and I want some kimchi so i can make kimchi bokkeumbap.... really wana taste tht....

Jaebom......is he really gona disappear from 2PM for forever???? really tho.....why cnt he come back????

OMG!!! lOOk at the TIME!!! i better go to sleep....

ciao! xxxxx

My Issue

2010-02-08T00:56:00.002Z

When do you have the right to call urself a particular race? Someone who is fully-blooded japanese for instance, but was born in the UK....they say they're british...but their parents are Japanese. If the parents are Malaysian....and the kid was born in the UK...the kid's British, but their parents are Malaysian........

so wat do you call a mixed race kid from 2 different countries, but who lives in a 3rd country. Like the UK....so I am a British citizen.....but i'm a singaporean citizen too, my late mother was from S'pore too.....and my dad's Sudanese...... so My Paternal family recognize me as one of theirs.... but really, my arabic sucks.... i cnt understand half the culture and the behaviour of my own ppl.... ok i kinda take tht back since i do....I've had to learn super fast b4 going to sudan after more than 10 years..... but still do i even hav a right to say "I'm Sudanese"? I'm more malay, but even then i have to admit i suck at my mother tongue... i lived in s'pore and understand the ppl and the culture and the country thoroughly......

????

then there's London. I LIVE here.......i went through important growing up, maturing years here...... Language isnt an issue..... and i love it.....so do i call myself an Out-of-This-World-Really-Weird-Salad???? With extra WEIRDLY Tasty Dressing.....??

i dnt want to think about it. but at the end of the day, when i've got every1 else around me who are so sure of their identity, eventually i fall into this oblivion again....

and the sad fact is....i have no Female Sudanese Friends to call my own..... ZERO.

Where ya at my sudanese sistaz??? ey??? oh right, tht reminds me, i've gt to call my paternal cuzzie.....see how she's doin......

the thing is.....i've lived in Singapore long enough to NOT want to be called British. Coz i'm singaporean.....tho I'm British-grown and cultured. but i have enough pride in being Sudanese that i CNT ignore tht part of me..i mean come on.....i LOVE sudanese JOKES....and my family. but where do i fit in in the whole big picture.....?

argh.........

this post doesnt even make any sense....damnit......

=__=

over and out......

tired my brain out with work and now trying to figure out my identity.....

urgh.... this is why i said.....MARRY YOUR OWN PPL WILL YA!!!You'll get the Kids CONFUSED! Have some FRIGGIN MERCY ON THE FUTURE! sheesh......kids these days....

tsk -__-"

The purpose of Diaries

2010-02-05T17:43:00.002Z

1) To vent frustrations

2) For your eyes only...depending on personal preference

3) To ease your psychology

4) To improve your language/writing skills....

I think if i didnt have a Diary..... i'd be admitted into a Psychiatric ward to be studied. Wat 9 yr old child wants to commit suicide?? What 9 yr old sinks back into threir own world of sorrow, not wanting to come out into the sunshine?

Man...i was one psychologically disturbed kid....LMAO.....

But the writing in the diaries, introduced by a certain cousin whom I love DEARLY - like all of them ^_^ - told me to write it all down. Man....it was a relief you know. My worries. My burdens...my fears....watever was eating at me....all flowed onto the page before me... and then, like magic, I felt as if a heavy burden was lifted.... and i soon forgot wat was worrying me. However, i thought no one would read my diary.... =_= it WAS read.... oh but i felt so naked when I found out.... still only...wat... 12 or so? From then on, I hid it so the world couldnt see the chaos that was inside.

If you think writing your feelings down doesnt purge your soul.... you're dead wrong mateys. It's like free falling..... things you want off your chest sometimes can't be told to another soul. But of course, things that are completely secret shouldn't be written down. You're code could be used. Which is always fun. But i usually let loose all my emotions coz....well...as a kid...REALLY tho.... it might be a dilemma THEN but it's NOT a biggie really.... nothing to worry about. just things that need to be purged so you won't get Psychologically distressed.

But of course....it's not all negative... happy memories are written too. But it's usually the negative memories that scar you really....innit?

Well......I WAS a writer when I was a child, so writing was my therapy.

Well....right now I'm just plain tired...oh gotta call those ppl up to see if i'm workin....

ciao........... XxXxXxX

Being in another country.....

2010-01-24T18:44:00.000Z

Living in another country where i hav no one to turn to is making me grow up pretty fast. But I'm still a child and I still need looking after. Sometimes growing up is painful. I want my big, warm, loving family. I want to hear them nag at me to eat. I want to hear them laughing, i want to hear the mothertongue i grew up listening to surround me in a peaceful blanket...i want to hear the buzz. Most of all, i want to see their faces. Their priceless expressions of happiness, irritation, sarcasm.... i want it all. This is selfish greed that has begun it's unstoppable feast on my soul. and my memories. and my mind. The family i left behind know me as me. And i fear i may never be able to return. I fear i shall be in a limbo of different worlds, trying to please the other half that made me by Allah's hands. So for now, I leave my gnawing thoughts and leave it all in the hands of The Creator. Verily, He is the only one that knows my Fate. And He is the Only One, i can entrust my soul to....

Message to Muslim Men...

2010-01-24T00:12:00.003Z

Listen to PLAN B by Ms Latifah on:

http://www.myspace.com/mslatifah

That's her myspace page. No offence and everythang. But us poor muslim sistas.... seriously.

LOOOOONG "Holiday"

2010-01-23T21:42:00.002Z

Presentation

Exams....

SMALL Break.....Dessertation due in 2 months or so....

and SEM2 is creeping up on me ENTIRELY too quickly for my comfort

But I havent really been writing coz i ddnt feel that there was any need to write anything recently... that and the lack of sleep i was gettin coz of the exams....

TOTAL drainage.

=_=

and had a new mobile....

bt havnt taken any pictures worth uploading onto my FB and here.....i'd have to edit them. which reminds me that i should change the template of my blog. and change the pic to one that's mine..... tht would be nice...oh....photobucket....

i lost my multiply account....damnit!!

argh....and finally decided.....wat path i want to chose in the future, God Willing i will achieve.

well.....i FB, which is where i put up all my frustrations out really....instantaneous reaction.

I think I'll use my blog as a kind of revision place? use it to place on watever i've studied and look for more information on certain diseases?

yeah.....we'll see innit.....

well.....tht's it....for now....

and yes it's lame and boring. but, like i said, i FB everything now.....so it's all there.... really easy to use....

lotta love,

Xin....^_^

Omo!

2010-01-16T02:46:00.002Z

lol tht is SO my favourite word!

Lately i've been going crazy about anything Korean. Which is quite cool but i have to study. Wat's my motivation? Well, I'm in London and my friends are back in S'pore and they're studying so hard and I'm just lazyin about....really tho....wat's wrong with me???

So anyway....forget twitter....i love my Facebook...enough to be highly addicted....to the point where i am now FBing on my mobile...LOL.

AND oh buy my mobile is so-so-so-so-so COOL....oh yeah, i've got to re-activate my cyberphoto album....wat was it called again.....

i know this is a very boring entry.....but hey....i'm a busy-mad-about-my-SE-SATIO girl livin in the real world~!

MY LOVE to CYBER WORLD...ciao!!!

xxKISESxx

How racism is cultured

2009-12-12T17:04:00.003Z

Ignorance may be sweet....but iodiocy cannot be tolerated.

Racism, I have observed, is ignited by the mere fact that children are spoon-fed various falsities about the other ppl who are unlike them in, say, colour, religion and....oh, i dunno.....country....oh~ and maybe what they wear as well....

The "Caucasians" are not the only ones who should be charged with this label. The blacks, browns, yellows....blues, are just as guilty.

I mean for the love of all that is pure and innocent......we just have to condemn people based on something superficial dnt we?

I am spewing this anger because i have someone i know who just talked a lot of BS and I couldnt stand it. I was brought up in a very open-minded society and family, after The-one-who-carried-me-for-9-months passed away, I had to live with the other blood relation who i hadnt lived with til then because "said person" was very busy making money for us around the world. I only saw "said person" every now and again.....so ANYway......

Africans can be quite racist huh? BEFORE u go shouting at me.... I AM AFRICAN....half, but enough to say that i AM. oh....but from close observation, it's mostly the EAST africans who like to dislike. but mostly, they like to dislike EACH OTHER.... bt the thing is, they just need to be educated and it's fine...it's moslty the Elder generation.....

Gawd, but i'm quite pissed off.....being mixed-continent means that I have learnt to look at the whole world as a WHOLE..... in its Entirety. not in it's sectioned off shadows. bt the rest of the world has to catch up, ey?

Refreshing Muzik Scene

2009-12-07T20:45:00.002Z

What I love about the London music scene is that it's not tailored like the US music scene. Yes the USA is large in the music scene, but what i love about the music scene (i have to stop typing tht phrase again and again) is that there are more British artists out there being listened to.

London's my adopted city and the best thing about London is that there're so many countries packaged so nicely that you can meet anyone from any continent here. However, I havent met a Hawaian yet. I dnt why tht came to mind just now. Some think that Dizee Rascal is selling out. I personally dnt like his songs, but he's found what fits him that the general youths will listen to. ......maybe i've been listenin to American stuffs so much it's become overrated to me. I'm listenin to Korean & Japanese pop/hip-hop/RnB music. British music is appealing to me now. maybe it's because i'm sick and tired of the "sex" in the american music. i mean.... ok, the beat is good, but could you compose something worth listenin to with a good beat that I could bop to in my room and go wild and can be played at a...party - say?? Tht's probably why grps like N-Dubz appeal to me more. They're more grounded.

Maybe coz it's I'm growing up. oh...... and why does American hip-hoppers like to use women who sing at such a high pitch for the chorus???? another thing tht really gets on my nerves. I knw it's not all songs... but I really really like tasteful, soulful and sexy female singers.... Beyonce...for example. Fantastic singer, she can adapt to any genre.

Oh and Miley Cyrus is growing up... as in she's appealing to a broader audience than the Disney crowd. Loving her. She's got this aura tht i totally love - rock chick, fantastic voice, innocent but maturing nicely. I happen to like her "talking" voice. Why do ppl make fun of it?? It's sexy hoarse. Yes, I'm a straight female. I just appreciate the obvious.

I heard that blogs are boring. But tht's an insult to me...urgh, even tho i know sometimes i know i can be. I know of blogs that are boring. Why do ppl insist that blogs are to write what they've been doing in the most monotonous writing style?? :

Wana write what you did today? Please make it sound at least minutely interesting.

Ok, I'm goin outta here. Gawd but I'm broke.

I'm always broke.

But this is geting serious. I cnt even pay for my damn Travelcard... how am i supposed to get to Uni??.....urgh.. money tree, oh money tree, grant me some money....please.

I should pick up my phone when the 0161 number pops up. I hope that it's not the Kleeneze ppl. I dnt wana do tht shit anymore.

ok....

i'm really gona go.....

Saturday November 7th 2009 - 21st Bdae

2009-12-05T19:05:00.002Z

As another year comes and goes in my short life (B'day), I yearn for more today than yesterday. This year has brought more wants out of me than...ever.

As I write (on pen & paper first) listening to Westlife's rendition of "What About Now" (while my stomach protests at not being fed: all I had were 2 bananas for b/fast @ 10:40 or something & it's 2 pm now - go figure).

Anyway... my romantic tendencies have seemed to amplified more. It was close to catastrophically unrealistic..... now I KNOW it is.

Yearnings I don't want have arisen. I want more from life than the meagre servings that I'm being given. like Why in Holy Hell do I have to be so uncomfortable in my own skin? I feel like a traitor, yet at the same time, when I go through the pilates moves and I'm actually sweating, I feel the wanting to lose the damn JIGGLES increase. Is it wrong to want to lose weight? (shit, ofc NOT) But is it so wrong to look like me? Shit. who the fuck cares right? Wrong. My primarily aim for losing weight:

To make ME feel good, better, comfortable

Then fall in love with some guy I'm actually suited for. NOT some dumpy (present me), boring, religious-in-a-terrorist-sorta-way --Someone like my ol' man. completely opposite. well...not quite. Someone fun, with a positive outlook on life and someone who makes me ME.

In fact, I'm wondering if that's even possible. Africans all seem to think alike. By that I mean.... MEN. african-arab-men.

I fear my future, even thou I know I should leave it in God's hands (and tht's so blasphemic, considering that I just swore - crap.... ::~shrug~::)

I just want to sit somewhere, surroungded by peaceful scenery and be left alone, not bombarded by my paternal's side's winks, nudges, knowing nods:-
Age invariably means marriage

Society-accepted norms. Growing up.
Qn:
How many (/much) of the world's population, on present day Earth, can truthfully say that they married becoz they were honest-to-God, sincerely, scorchingly, entirely, wholesomely, electrifyingly, passionately, IN LOVE or were besotted --> head-over-heals in love and thought: YEAH! I can see myself with only this person for the rest of my life...........

Thro all the horrific household shopping, family disputes, through thick-and-thin, through sickness and health, til-death-do-us-part..........bed-head..... morning breath....... THAT KINDA SHIT!!!

I guess my question is:
How do you know? And what if you were close to comitting, then backed out and BAM... too late you realise they were the ONE. Or if you comitted and found oh FCUK... what hav i gotten myself into??!!

I know that THAT kinda love doesn't, if ever, exist.... as in the Earth-shattering kind.

I'm listening to all these Love songs shit and I'm seriously thinkin.... all these songs may be easy to write....but really, did they feel it????

I'm telling you, a person like me has serious commitment issues.

basically:

I'm scared shit.

=/

urgh....

THE WORST INTERNET PROVIDER IN...UK

2009-11-22T01:14:00.003Z

I am now very thankful to BT. I mean they cheat you, are overpriced, totally crap customer service reps. But at least I didn't have to shout down the phone to get an engineer looking at our property to fix our faulty line. Straightforward.

TALKTALK is THE worst internet provider. EVERYONE I've talked to so far (I really shoulda done my research before I agreed with Pops to go with them) agree that no one beats TalkTalk in terms of Shity-ness. They are absolute SHIT. I'm not even gona gloss this one over. They have no excuses whatsoever.

SHIT SHIT SHIT internet provider. God, I'm so angry with them it's unbelievable. The wireless router they gave "for free"? Where in damnation did they get that piece of cheap plastic???? WTF???? We live in a basement apartment and BT (British Telecomm.s) NEVER gave problems in terms of wireless signal. OK, i get that microwaves and old fridges can affect the wireless signal. BUT BT NEVER GAVE US THIS PROBLEM. Bloody-sodding hell. now i get cut off so often i've given up and gone with Powerlines and Homeplugs.

TALKTALK IS THE SHITY-EST PROVIDER IN ANYTHING IN THE HISTORY OF MAN....TELEPHONES AND (ESP) BROADBAND.

If I could warn the whole world:
DONT go with TALKTALK.

You have been warned.

Korean Dramas ALWAYS.....

2009-10-21T19:38:00.002+01:00

MAKE ME HUNGRYYYYY!!!!

ALWAYS eating something......ramen-ramen-ramen (usually...there's a lot of those ramen noodle scenes)..... I am now addicted to those egg noodles.

i bought 2-3 whole batches of the noodles alone and make my own sauce..... i love the taste of those ramen noodles. It doesn't matter if i've eaten.... they're always eating those noodles and Jja-jang Myun - Black Bean Noodles.... I made it once, but it turned out WRONG... I mean.... i had no ("chinese") turnips or courgettes and I put too much black bean sauce so it smelled awfully strong.

Plus i didnt think i had the noodles that you're supposed to eat it with...... but it turned out i DID..... but it took way too long to cook (the dried ones...) omg.... tht was a nightmare. oh, not to mention the fact that i chose the wrong noodles and it didnt suit so i had to throw about half of tht away coz I'd been in the kitchen for 4 hours already - cooked 3 dishes and the Jja-Jang Myun was the last (and most tiring) thing I cooked. I followed a recipe.....a video one. But if you've never tasted the dish, you wont know where you've gone wrong!

I usually need only 1 taste of something to be able to cook it.... provided you give me a basic recipe or list of things you put in the dish. I love food, but not enough to be able to differentiate the tastes....unfortunately.... but my brother has. he's usually the Guinea pig....but he's very picky with his food.

argh... tht reminds me.... I need more sesame oil.

ciao!!!

xxx

lost in it.....

2009-10-11T23:56:00.002+01:00

I am all fired up to do research.....

i'm puzzled, I can't use my apostrophe all of a sudden...

shit.....i need that apostrophe....

Anyhow.... Chipmunk is a great rapper...

and now i'm listening to another Darkchild record. I think it's a Mary J Blige????? it cnt be? but it sounds like her. as usual, only DarkChild knows how to pump the beats while having a good tune.

"Stop lookin for........."
"boy dontcha know I'm the one...."

but anyway....my fave DJ on Radio is DJ Swerve on Kiss 100 FM. He's got great taste.SINGAPORE...you can listen to Kiss 100 FM London. Google that with DJ Swerve.. Kiss Kube on

http://kube.totalkiss.com

He's only on on Mon-Thursday.

What is it with the Americans and "THE BLACK CARD"????

Figure this out
"Anything you want I can transform ya...."

??CB and LiL Wayne as well....gotta a few other rappers doin lil bits.

nice beat....anyhow......

"Ooopsy Daisy" ......Chipmunk.....I wonder who sang in that song?? who is she???

anyhow....ppl look out for a chick called:
Asia Cruize

Not JUST Asia.....youtube tht chick...she's like an Asian RnB version of Britney for some reason.....i think it was the High School Backdrop in her MV called "Selfish" .

sleeeeeepppp!!!!

anyhow....gtg

i love yall!!

my bad...

2009-09-24T23:50:00.002+01:00

i previously said tht the "-eseyo" or "-useyo" suffixes were only used (in Korean) between a younger to an elder....my bad. It's used for general formalities. Formal language. as opposed to informal banter.

ok.

Update on life.

We changed to TalkTalk. I hope they serve us well....we've got an 18 month contract with them. As soon as we move into a home where we can get Virgin Cable Fibre Optic Broadband. We're SOOOO getting it. I'll pay for watever I have to to get it, even if my dad don't want it. Heck I'm workin. Time to be able to balance my finances.

Let's see.......

I still have an issue with disgusting-smelling persons. But tht's London for you. bleurgh.....

annnnnyyyyhowww....

oh....chaka-mann.....

Official respect....she can sing in another language....

ciao!!!

London and Documentation...GRRRR......

2009-09-19T05:38:00.002+01:00

What is it about the UK and letters??? It's suuch a pain in the arse. I mean - for example - if you want to quit being self-employed, you have to send several million letters to the HM Revenue....why? .....Because it's a different Department that's threatening you to fine you and to get those damn Dogs on you (at this moment in time...i cnt remember wat they're called - FORGIVE ME!).

ARGH.....i hate working in an accounts office......i salute all those who love dealing with the HM Revenue..I think they're a bunch of sods who have no sense of friggin communication between their respective Departments...I mean don't you lot have a friggin system, whereby even if it's regarding PAYE, then those in the "stopped self-employment" and the PAYE department can communicate.....no.....

stopped self-employment, and the PAYE for TAX and National Insurance threats are still poppin through the damn door.

GrrrRRR how infuriating!!!!

Do you know how many letters I have to write for various clients...??? pain in the arses i tell you.....

There's a cold war with the HM Revenue and myself.......I hate repeating myself......

and my sense of responsibility is 60% at best...but now i have to up my game coz the damn A/C off tht i work in is puttin everything on me.....

Let me tell yall out there:

NEVER EVER.....work with arabs, if you aint arab you don't understand their personality in general, or you don't know how they think or why they do what they do.....

it's infuriating. My DAD got me this "work experiance" tht lead to permanent PT employment during the year....and I barely understand my dad's train of thoughts, what with being brought up majorly in S.E. Asia and London......my train of thoughts cnt really follow him. In fact it's frustrating at times.

therefore.......kerje dgn kawan bapa aku selalu bikin aku marah..... kerje yg aku kene buat bukan sikit... so much so in fact, kerje yg aku kene buat mcm semua dlm pejabat itu - ish....... tak tahu si pak cik tu buat apa dlm pejabat akauntan itu....

ishhhh........selalu buat aku marah bila aku fikir pasal pejabat tu.....

arghhhh........!!!!~~

ok-ok-ok

gtg.......yes, Bahasa Melayu saya teruk....but pls bear with me...i'd appreciate if my Malay comunity would care to guide me....

as the japanese say:

yorishiku-nee?.... i think tht's an informal way to ask for you lot to "take care of me..yeah?"

yorishiku kudasai.....please take care of me.....

?????init??????

my japanese has weakened......while my Hangul is improving slightly.

I understand what they mean when the Koreans say "formal" and "informal" language.....

"-esayo" or "-useyo" = suffixes, somewhere along those lines, acording to korean language.net or something, it's a formal way of speaking, commonly used for those younger to those older, no matter what the relationship....

what i find the most baffling is when the wife still calls the Husband - if older - what they used to call him before getting married and such, e.g. "ajushi" ...mister...."sunbae" (like Senpai in Japanese)or "Panjang-nim" =Chief..... ("-nim" is a suffix usually fixed to the ends of titles for respect....like ""noonim" when a guy calls an older gerl respectfully). "yeabo"...i cnt spell tht in Eng....i could probably find the correct way of spelling it in Eng, but i cnt be bothered.......anyway, tht's literally translated as darling or honey for use btwn a married couple.....

argh.....K-dramas? I LOVE THEM!!!!

If i were to study anthropology, I'd study the Japanese and Koreans, they are distinct yet similar......

e.g. some words are used in loosely the same context and their culture are very similar....

"yakso"= promise/appointment in Korean....."yakso" means....appointment i thnk in Japanese....argh, i always get confused....

but anyway tht word has stuck to my mind.....

and the way they address those around them and the use of formal and informal language is very similar. However, there is a major difference.....one of many init?...lol..... Japanese NEVER call each other by their first names UNLESS they are very familiar with each other......whereas the Koreans do....but they have a "-shi" for talking formally.....like:

Hyun Jook-shi
BoRi-shi (yeah, as in Na Bo Ri Sansingnim [sp??] in "Hello My Teacher")

and the cute thing about Koreans is if they ARe close....they call each other with an extra syllable at the end:

Ondal=original name (yeah, I'm using weird names?) becomes Ondal-a

Joon Sook = Joon Sook-a

ah.....cute.....

oh well......

tht's all i've learnt so far...oh the writing....i respect the fact tht Koreans can still write so neatly...but then again, so is Japanese and Chinese (yes, I mean chinese in general) writing.

ok.....

gtg....

XXXXXXXXXXX

i'm so late.....but who cares???!!!

2009-09-15T15:29:00.002+01:00

I have finally put aside time for real-life learning.....as in....Driving stuffs.

I've done 3 hrs....not 100% ofc, of drving lessons and just started to drive on the road.

In addition, i've done the theory driving test, so .....God Willing, I'll be doing the Practical Test in..a couple months time.

It's Sept.....probably in December, considering Uni-my academics must be top priority, I understand this thoroughly.. not to mention the fact tt one of my 2 jobs is BUSY in October, when all the Accounts needs to be sent to the HM Revenue and Customs....the Deadling is 30th Oct .........we're preparing for it now...there're, like, a MILLION clients -

........at the moment, the Office job is a pain in the A**. while the Tel Centre is FUN- this is the one i've been working at since I was 18!!! so ofc i'd feel sentimental, considering i'm like an elevated Interviewer....Supervisor-in-training/Interviewer.....

urgh....but hey, I'm thanking God Most High tht i even have a Job.....and I'm a Student as well. oh and did i mention the fact tht there're those in my workplace who would die to get the secondary job i stumbled upon via my beloved Daddykins? it's the same job tht's giving me such a headache and a whole lotta stress.

I swear.....the manager is completely lost when it comes down to handling his office.

i cnt wait til the other accountant comes back, then a whole lotta stress will come off my shoulders.... i think....well it IS their office.....not mine....and not the career path that I've chosen.

It's a completely different field to what I want to do. But this job aint forever, so it's all Good.

I just hope tt other gerl will be coming soon.

finish from your honeymoon already! lol.

i dnt even know her, i've just heard about her.

oh....and ofc i havent been stupid enough to not be able to balance my work, academics (and driving lessons). I'll work 16hrs per month to do the Office Job and nothing else....are you kidding me?????? Handling tht office will just give me white FRIGGIN hairs!!!!!! OVER my DEAD body!!!

God but the Office job is so depressing.

GIMME A LAB ANYDAY!!! I'll test all those feacal samples any day compared to crunching numbers and dealing with Tax
::.shiver.::

well...gotta go....

i'll be sleepin now...considering i did a marathon last night to get some pretty impressive scores on my driving test.... and to think i wasn't really putting my all until 2:30 AM....yeah...the morning of the test.....argh..... Thank God my brain is quite quick to grasp things..... WOOOO!!!!

ALHAMDULILLAH!!!

ok.....gtg.

ciao!!!!!xxxxx

Yoyo right here!!

2009-09-07T11:05:00.002+01:00

First I was all motivate, then Ramadhan hit...and i slumped..not as bad as before...I'm not majorly pigging out....just...pigging out.

i've outdone myself in terms of cooking.

Creamy Coconut Sauce...now you'd think WTH??

The ingredients (tt I used) are as listed:
-Cream of Coconut (ofc..main ingredient)
-Lemon Grass
-Tumeric Powder
-Asam jawa...uhm....what is that thing in English...Thnk GOD for Google: TAMARIND
But it's the kind you get in Chinese/Thai/Oriental Shops - they're soft and mushy.
You take a bit, well depending on how much food you're making and the amt you're supposed to put in, - put in a bowl - small ofc - then pour a bit of warm water - the instructions usually come with the pack...i myself had no idea...ok, SOME idea, since my mum's side cook with it a lot. --i used the paste, throw out the seeds and bulky stuff
-Cabbage- Sliced
-Carrot - also sliced (i used a peeler...CHEAT!)
-Salt
-Crushed Chili - not too much
-CHICKEN

When i made it with just tht, there seemed to be something missing, so i found Kaffir Lime Leaves - i think it's better if you buy it from a Thai shop...i THINK it's more cheaper.

I'd put up a pic of it, but it's either stored on my phone and i cant find the wire or we eat it up pretty quickly.

I didn't give out the exact proportions bcoz the thing with me is that if i wana cook something, i dont usually use a recipe, and when i do, it's only a guideline. With this Creamy coconut sauce, I was aiming for what Malays call kuah lemak, but i ended up making something my mum used to make with crabs....which is still nice, since my brother dsnt eat the realy Kuah Lemak anyway, and he eats this. I COULDN'T FIND ANY RECIPES. The only thing i had as a guidance was wat i remembered from the night before..or TWO nights before....i used ready-made kuah lemak sauce in a packet i bought from the Imperial Supermarket in Queensway, real close to the Bayswater Underground Station. - Urhm, if you want some real Far eastern stuff-this place aint got much...in fact, it barely has stuff....
but OrientalCity Supermarket (read this: http://londonist.com/2008/10/oriental_city_supermarket_lives.php ) is quite good.

anyway...so all i had were a gist of ingredients in my head and i set out to look for them all over London....well...Sainsburys and Wing Yip in Cricklewood.

The BEST places so far in London, that I know of, that stock ALL (or most of) the essentials are:

--Wing Yip - Cricklewood Best for Chinese (and pretty much EVERYTHING else..some stuff a bit pricey)
--OrientalCity Supermarket - Queensway- I like it
--Some next small Thai supermarket near Chepstow Road. If you take a 31 or 328 heading towards Notting Hill Gate/Shepherds Bush....that direction, the stop is called "Cheopstow Road", it's not really, but it's approx 3 stops before the Notting Hill Gate Stop for both the 31 and 328 Buses. I'l get their name and a pic and post it on here...hold on....GOOGLE!! i LOVE you!!!! ok:
http://www.allinlondon.co.uk/directory/1160/21233.php
tht link should explain all the details of the shop...It's called Tawana Oriental Supermarket. Lovely Thai ppl in there and the goods are quite a reasonable price...it's Majorly THAI products.

---Then there's tht small shop tht's close to Bayswater Underground Station...next to Holland and Barrats (same side of the road), near a HSBC...Opposite Queensway Market...near a Waffle House (opposite).
On Google Street View, it looks like a closed down dilapidated shop, but it's open - lemme tell you.

AND.....

for all things JAPANESE:

Japan Centre in Piccadilly Circus (212 Piccadilly, London, Westminster, W1J 9‎ - 020 74344218‎)
Sushi Rice, sushi Vinegar - non alcoholic one...yaki nori- seaweed sheets all essential ingredients for ONIGIRI!!! wahahahaha.....and sushi ofc.... Ah...i'd advise you to buy Sushi soya sauce as well. There's a non-japanese-looking-but-speaks-fluent-Japanese-guy who works there....brown is the only way i can describe him, I looked LOST and he helped me out. SUPER COOL.....

So.......thinking of anything Japanese...best to go for the SOURCE! OH and if you go there near closing time..the sushi left over are 75% off. i'm serious..and it's SERIOUSLY good.

but i say why not make it yourself?? it's fun and you get to know wat you put inside. OH, YOUTUBE has a LOT of videos of how to make ONIGIRI...it's SIMPLE!!! I should know...i've made it before...although...the shape is not so easy to make... and i refuse to buy an onigiri shaper-thing.

oh...the POST TITLE?? It's because I've lost the will to live after gaining weight...but here's to eating with a good balance during ramadhan.....

lol....

ciao!!!

OH HEY...sushi may have alcohol due to the Vinegar used OK? so tht's why it's better to buy the sushi vinegar yourself and make your own...but the authenticity of it all is down to you....lol.... I have the mat to roll the sushi...hvnt gotten round to making any yet...... again, the Guy at the Japan Centre who didnt look japanese but spoke Japanese (he sounded REALLY COOOL!!) told me, and i knew from the videos of making onigiri......

now all i wana do is make Jjajang Myun...or Jjajjang Mien...urgh.....ANYWAY... KOREAN BLACK NOODLES.....mann...

gtg....bye!!!!

Pet Peeves...grrrr

2009-09-04T18:53:00.002+01:00

1st, Note to Han : Yep u have the right numba!! It's still functioning!!

I HATE/LOATHE/DESPISE Foul-Smelling ppl. they shouldn't even be people and they shouldn't be allowed in public. They should be rounded up and put on an island where no one can reach them. It's utterly disgusting. I don't understand what's so hard about showering??!!!! I LOVE showering!!! Why can't those able-bodied ppl SHOWER EVERYDAY?? Wht's so FRIGGIN hard about turning on the shower (or filling a bucket) showering yourself and using the SHAMPOO and SOAP??!!!

London has an amazing eclectic mix of ppl. But sometimes, some of those eclectic ppl DONT SHOWER. Talk about London. Eugh.....

ah...but then, there're those who DO shower..God BLESS them!!!!

but yeah....i've been wanting to blog tht for AAAGGGGEEESSSS!!!!

ok i'm at work....

ciao!!

xxxxxooooxoxoxoxoxxxxx

life....

2009-08-15T11:54:00.002+01:00

is funny....it truly is....

i just wanted to blog tht.

hey...Blogger People.... when can the rest of the world (like...the UK) start to blog on our mobiles???

oh....and yeah...i ended up workin today. bcoz my boss was nice....

heheh.....

after tht FB fiasco abt a woman who sicked her boss on FB...FORGETTING (obviously) tht her Boss was a contact of hers.....ah....lol...and then she got SACKED on FB!! and yea.... her Boss was serious....she thought he was "pervvvyyy...." among other thngs...of which he informed her tht he was G*A*Y.....lol....

i read it in the metro....

nothing beats the Metro...esp coz they've got nemi...

ciao! xxxxxx

for HaNaaaaaa

2009-08-15T04:31:00.002+01:00

on www.studentgems.com:


10.		Amitda007 Payment Type: Paid
		Fashion Design & Production >> Hello All. I am looking for student fashion designers to help me get a clothing lable started. I would like someone with the knowledge of pattern and sample making. For your efforts you will be paid however if there is a someone who is as dedicated to this is a a venture in which you could be a partner. Posted on: 06/08/2009 By: Amitda007 from Southampton, Hampshire Job location: Southampton Start date: 10 Aug 2009 End date: No date set
		View profile or send message for more job details

3 mins....and my head is pounding...

2009-08-14T20:57:00.002+01:00

argh...my head hurts....

i just realised...

well ok i knew, but Teachers, whether in nursery, primary, secondary or University, influence your paths quite strongly. they play an important part in your future... whether knowingly, or unconsciously.

i think my Microbiolofy T'cher is a GREAT Sensei. so...I love Microbiology and there's no other subject that seems as interesting as microbiology..

well gtg!!

ciao!!

yeeeesssss....

2009-08-13T10:54:00.002+01:00

phr....i still cnt spell that complicated nickname of yours babe...it's almost impossible. i say almost becoz i know i can- if i really put my all into learning....but i'm just not bothered.

i am finally motivated enough to lose weight. why? coz i'm sick of being oversized and I wont be able to get me some HOT guy if i'm not hot myself....i already have the other qualities....fun to be with and easy going.....(omg...someone get the puke bucket....i make myself sick...eugh...)

but i have a problem.. lol...i dnt trust good-lookers - they have a high probability of cheating...innit?? but then.....::trail off... thinking::
how come most of the lookers just dont have a sense of humour? it's like "i'm hot, i dont need to have a passable sense of humour...just look at me ::pose & dazzling smile::" ...nee?(japenese:"am i right?" tht kinda meaning)

I'd actually rather get with a guy who has broad shoulders and is funny and easy-going. tht's actually all i want in a guy. someone fun to be with...someone i can be comfortable being myself- with limits, ofc.

i dnt believe Prince-Charming-on-a-white-horse exists. i believe, however, there're amazingly funny guys out there and i want one of them.....it might be because i've laughed all my life with my cousins, and my family are just really into....jokes and being together - just chillin... so i guess i i have my ideology from growing up tht way? i'm a HOPELESS romantic. but i just wana laugh.

i guess it's becoz i'm too serious? I try to be funny...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. bt i know not to try too hard... oh my days..tht'll be disastrous...and i've seen ppl who've tried too hard.....and i cringe for them.... really i do....

yes ladies..thought i've passed my teen yrs coming into the 2nd yr out of THE TEEN Years... (21!! not 22!!!!).....the hormones are....urhm...speaking....to...me?

oh well.....

wat the heck am i doing blogging when i should be working/studying i dnt know...

ciao........

xxxxx

Re: Korean Manga (Manhwa) and Diets and my food diary

2009-08-07T10:53:00.004+01:00

first off...Hannnnnnaaaa baybeee!!....where does your sister read korean manga....does she buy them? if so....where?? coz i found a waterstones selling a manga...japanese-in-english-one and i thought "how surreal...i read this online....i'm gona buy it when i have the dosh to support the mangaka.....soon".....yesh.....i still havent bought it coz i splashed £&*+ on clothes...3 tops in fact... if you release the shift button and press those keys on the British keyboard..you'll know how much i spent....EXCLUDING the + sign.

so i'm serious...where does deama get the korean mangas....online? does she buy them online..??or do you manga share with a whole manga-sharing community (does it exist...if so..where can i find them....oh.. duh....google it!!) no really....korean drama, korean manga...it's top-notch quality mann....i love everything Hangul-related.....now all i've got to do is be able to speak it properly and ofc...READ it....oh it's so interesting....nyahahaha....oh....i need to be able to read and understand Japanese too...so i can help onemaga.com's vast teams of scanlators translate mangas....

OK!!

DIETS.....

when someone says "i'm going on a diet"...what they actually mean to say is:

I'm gona cut out the vast amount of junk food i pig on, eat moderately and maybe healthily and exercise, which is what i haven't done in who knows HOW long....

i'm right arent i?? coz it's certainly the case in most scenarios. i mean being healthy is a lifestyle it's a choice. the difference between overweight ppl and those who are clinically slim, is the eating habits- or just outright high metabolism, but for argument's sake, let's exclude that dying breed of ppl (why'd they have to exist. sheesh...). Observe: the bigger person can eat more than the smaller person. it's like the bigger ppl have a higher threshold and can stuff more, even tho....quite obviously...they're stuffed....but you put more...they'll eat more. It was bcoz of tht uncontrollable (well..to me unsatiable) appetite that i gained weight...immensely. and found, all of a sudden...my jeans were quite....TIGHT.. OH MY WORD....alarm bells started ringing...no scratch that...the SIREN just went off. I went downwards for a while more...until....i felt my butt was just too darned HUGE....and i have an african butt....so.....let's just say my already disproportionate body just went....even more disproportionate.

so wat am i currently doing?

i cut out all the snacking i used to do (yes i was quite surprised at how much i SNACKED!!)

i stopped eating after 12 (midnight!!!)...it used to be WHOLE MEALS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT....now do you wonder how i put on a ginormous amount of weight...

i eat WAAYYYY more fruits now. (it's the money...when i was flat out broke i bought the cheap things i THOUGHT would fill me up)....it's £1 from Sainsbury's...mixed melon-grapes-and-strawberry...LOVE it!!

more water

less solid food, but with fibre..like vegetable soup...cans...with chunky veg..the Heinz version. thick red soup...kinda bland but i put chilli and all those things

bought weights and a Pilates DVD...exercise at least every other day if not everyday. the Pilates DVD is hard to follow in a small space (obviously), but i used the ones i can ....reason:dnt want the Step-mthr to know i'm exercising...she loves to make comments on everything and it just gets on my nerves...so yeah....

uh...oh yeah...and i bought the Acai Berry and Inner Cleanse thing from www.peak-nutrition.co.uk

coz they said tht the Acai berry would help speed up your losing-weight process in hard-to-reach areas. so i'm using it to see.

so far everything is normal. nothing much it's been about 3 days. i havent lost weight as such, but i'm certainly sitting in my jeans a bit better....i dnt have to tuck the tum in and button as quickly as possible...oh weight...zip-and-then-button....it's not such a pain anymore.

but i need to stay on track for at least 3 months with constant exercise!!

Hiymmm...(strength in Hangul).....AJA! Fighting!!

whoooo!!

ciao...

mellymelon THE ONE

2009-08-03T04:25:00.002+01:00

once in a while, i'm not afraid to post things i'm reading.....lol.....

http://mellylemon.livejournal.com/

she is my eternal saver...as in....she feeds my addiction to the manhua (Google tht term, it's chinese manga....Manhwa is Korean....and Manga is Japanese!!) so anyway....The One (available at www.onemanga.com) is great....i cnt be bothered to post anthing much now since i just woke up....

and it's 04:28...tht's AM duntcha know. i woke up for prayers and since i slept so early ysterday, i have manged to stay awake.....for now....i'm goin to sleep soon.....

ciaooo......

Weird-ness

2009-07-28T18:06:00.002+01:00

okay...
1) I am absolutely starved right now. to the point of....having hunger pangs. which is not uncommon, me being the pig that i am.

2) i need me some male. i'm starting to feel the Male deprivation in terms of someone to hang out with. someone as young as me, who's not a relative or in any way related to me or mine. just a guy.... yesh......namja(man/boy)-chingu(friend)...... wah.... i need to giv some attention to a guy and to have some healthy male attention back.......

ok maybe not a namja-chingu as such.... tht'll drain my already drained energy.

argh.......................i need to lose some weight...

i seem to want to do lots of things but never achieve them.....

does tt mean i'm an underachiever???

::SCHOCK::

oh heck in darn-nation......

argh...........

back to the endless work of entering shat loads of receipts into a system...

Back...again..muwahahahaha

2009-07-28T11:42:00.003+01:00

What brings this sad person back into the realms of cyber world after being missing in this dimension since 30/05/09?? Why the exact date? I just checked- tht's why. LOL.

Ok...what have i been up to....

I've been dreaming of Half-Sudanese -Koreans...altho, even if that were possible, they'd probably only be about 5 right now. The world hasnt really melded together, like they think it has. For example, apart fromPakistanis and Singaporean-malays and maybe a handful of Malaysians, there wouldn't be much of us North-African-Arabs/South-East/Far-Eastern-Asians

***EDITED***

(Pakistan excluded, they are of the SOUTH Asian variety and in a whole world of their own, since they are well known, mostly rich or working class like the rest of the world, but possess quite good brains on their shoulders, but of course Asians are categorised according to the stereotypes of the world..and I am one of those followers, although I look, so i've been told, Bengali-like or Pakistani-Like..... being a hybrid of 1 extreme hybrid of the medditerranean region and the a slight mix of the south eastern (Javanese/Jawi) kind......I've got the ..."unique-est" looks in terms of not knowing exactly where i came from thanks to my ancestors who loved to mingle with the rest of the world ahead of everybody else.)

My dad isn't exactly your normal Sudanese. He's of the tanned-fair variety, with a mix of looks. Now I've seen quite a few renditions of Sudanese and i find it quite interesting. While the rest of the world categorises us as "dark", we have the mostly-Christians who look like Westerners..blonde hair...fair-fair-fair skin. there's even one Sudanese Amo (Uncle) my dad knows who, to me, looks more Lebanese than Sudanese.

It's of course all thanks to the nomads, the travelling merchants...and the Ottoman Empire- the origin of the Turkish bloodline in Sudan...right? Well Heck....

I'm always pondering about the missing pieces of my Historical Puzzle. I love it. But will anyone else love me for what I am...apart from my friends?...why does everyone find it so amusing while i'm in agony over what the hell i'm going to do about my future...my arabic's crap at best, in fact, my Hangul is catching up....my malay is as terrible as ever....

this is an extremely long post about things I had no idea I was going to post.

And another thing...TWITTER??? WTH???argh... i can barely stand FB let alone going online ALL the time letting every next who whatever what-ever the hell I'm doing.....

Urgh.........

Chongmal..... =D

anyongg!!! xxxxxx

until next time..... ::blows millions of kisses::

Escapism

2009-05-30T00:50:00.002+01:00

Do we really know what the word "Escapism" means?? Can we define it so a 6-yr-old can understand? I had a physics teacher in my last yr of A level who said that if we were able to explain a concept to a 6 yr old so that they can understand it, then we have ultimately understood that concept.

I have consistantly gone back to his words wenever i think i know something. and then it hits me: I'll never be able to make a 6 yr old understand. That's why my sister, who happens to be 3 yrs younger than me always complains. She says I'm useless......lousy sister. HEY! Wen i was 12 i knew 90% of wat she learnt recently. I read shakespeare like they were fairytales. In fact i loved shakespeare since i was 11. Literature was a love. But how comes anything i do is only worth 60%??

Anyhow.....back to Escapism....i do a lot of that lately.....ah... and i procrastinate a lot too. Wah. I'm so lost. Ah, a gift from some website:

Mexico is a country of a modest, very fucked class, which will never stop being fucked. Television has the obligation to bring diversion to these people and remove them from their sad reality and difficult future." Emilio Azcarraga, billionaire head
of Televisa (Mexican media company)

I like it. Don't you?

gtg.....

to my world....

nearing my death sentence..but moving on...

2009-05-19T12:30:00.003+01:00

GEEK.....i just wana say..... The Japanese one was the best. Hana Yori Dango is the best. because of the comments i decided to watch the mandarin (taiwanese=meteor garden) wen i've got nothing else to do. But tht's becoz Ariel Lin is in it. And she's a great actress. ISWAK- It Started With A Kiss. The best celebrity/on-screen couple was Ariel and Joe. Fantastic. Xiang Qin and Zhi Shu. Irritating, but so sweet.

ANYWAY...

I must say Gu Jun Pyo (leader of the F4 in the Korean one) is Hot, acting is great. But there's something about Doumiyouji Tsukasa (Matsumoto Jun, refer to nxt sentence) that i cnt ignore. The chemistry between Inoue Mao and Matsumoto Jun (of Arashi - jpop group, was Doumiyouji in HYD) are great. Argh. The story wasnt as obvious. You kinda had to piece the puzzle together. or maybe, i was anticipating and comparing wat was gona happen. so in the Korean version, everything was pretty much obvious. i could predict the emotions and wat was developing quite easily.

if i hadnt of watched the j-version, my attention may not be as acute as it is now.

and i prefer Inoue Mao. she's cute. Jan Di is great..but...wat's with the hair?? She's pretty, but if they'd've lengthened the hair. tht was a major factor as well. It's biased, but the hair pretty much killed my enthusiasm for Jan Di. (FYI, I'm a str8 FEmaLe..) Oh, and why is it tht almost all the cast of Boys Over Flowers k-version had dimples. I kept seeing them flash. Jan Di and Jun Pyo...and i think Jan Di's friend....wats-her-name...

anyway...

the breakdown of HYD is:

http://s14.invisionfree.com/Korean_Drama_Addicts/ar/t42.htm

.......

gtg!!!

frussss.....tration.....

2009-05-17T18:45:00.002+01:00

Si Tiri...untidy. unclean. always having the aroma of yester-week's strong smelling perfume (hence, therefore reeking of tht stuff). busy-body. hypocritical. likes to tell me wat to do just because ST thinks ST has the right to.

wow. i hate ST - wen ST gets on my nerves.

but lately, everything gets on my nerves. if it's not for the room. i think i'd've blown up...or will do soon.

not a blood relative.....

arghhh......patience.......I ask for Patience...pls dnt ever leave my side or i might kill ST.

someday soon.

with a sock....sheesh already.

or e.coli.....i can probably culture C. botulinum if i pierce a hole in the can and leave it aside...a can of tuna.....bt tht'll be too painful. then the Tuna Can company could be accidentally sued. nah. bad idea.

maybe i should throw out her shoes and say the rats stole them.....

urgh....then she'll bug me for my shoes.

i remember now why i buy high heeled shoes: ST

if i dnt dia ambik semua.....sialan kan? semua sepatu yg aku beli dia pakai. tak tanya aku. i'm sorry - aku benci kau - why are u even touching my shit?? did i SAY you could?

memang betul - org bodoh boleh belajar, org degil tak nak belajar....there you have the Supreme Idiots. Itu lah Si Tiri. bilang dia berapa kali pun tak belajar.....org kampung pun lebih baik... at least they're willing to learn.

ish......

i'm starting to have OCD around her. i come in the kitchen, and i cnt eat or drink anything sampai I dah cuci semua pinggan-mangkuk, everything on the dish rack.....to my heart's content. which means i'm in there for at least 15mins and then I start eating. or drinking or watever it is i intended to come into the kitchen for.

I'm turning anal arent I? It's all because of ST.

urgh....i wana throttle ST. drives me crazy.

ok...time to sanitise my mind. i dnt mean clean...i mean to make myself more sane.

argh.........

i'm going crazy.

Someone shoot me,
NiX

urggghhhh.....

2009-05-16T13:06:00.003+01:00

I love josei manga. It's more real, it's less fluffy around the edges and it's...more realistic. But MY GOD....Love Revolution ......i mean the charcters are great and all...but i HATE women like tht. obsessed with their men.....i mean.....OMFG!!! it's so suffocating. I'M choking!!

first off:
Egawa Yoshie
she seems to enjoy seeing her cousin Kyoko squirm...i call her Tha Biatch...tho she wont touch her cousin's man : Sugo

Katagiri Akiko
She's a spoilt rich kid basically and fancies Sugo to bits...can i just ad Sugo is a ladie's man? But this Akiko? I call her Thee UBER BITCH (i so hate her...u can tell)

and the main heroine:

Asaoka Kyoko
32 yr old woman who found her first love....Sugo....bt cnt seem to trust him. In my opinion, she needs to loosen up in her relationship. WAT THE HELL?? i feel like she's put a damn noose around Sugo's neck, but he loves her tht's ok, but still....sheesh. it irritates me.

i dnt get it. I wouldnt know wat a woman in love is like, but i think some women need to see stuff from a male's point of view. Ok this is only a drama, bt havent all of us heard the occassional mad woman? the clingy one....the super jealous one....the stalking one......

my god bt there are all sorts in this world.

i like dramas and mangas with long-haired heroines....my personal preference, since i like my hair long myself....

but the only drama tht had a strong woman, who was gentle at the same time was...urh...ok.... so far...none.....

bt i think i read a manga that had it.

i know writers want to conform to the norm. but the norm is tiring me out. WHY cnt a woman be strong in a relationship? WHY cnt a woman be less emotional? AND LESS CLINGY in those damn DRAMAS??????

WHY cnt a woman be independent while loving? and why does a woman always seem to cry a lot...and...argue a lot....and........obsess a lot.....when they're in love??????

I DON'T GET IT!!!

God give me patience.

in real life....are us women really like that? coz I've not come across many, if at all. the friends who are in relationships.....are comfortable. they trust their partner to the max. if not friends, then i know family members who are in very comfortable mariages.

which is why i know it's possible to have happy and not so argumentative marriages that work and are happy. which is wat scares me. (ofc not every relationship is perfect, u gotta let out some steam sometimes...duh~)

i have a path i'm walking on. I dnt exactly know what's gona happen along my beaten path. but I know I'm gona try my best....and if i meet a guy along the way, God Help me not be a crazy woman!!!!!

love me,
NiX

skype

2009-05-05T10:39:00.000+01:00

skype to skype are FREE....
so my dearest family and friends....pls make an account and holler at me: u know my name

elmaghrabi - be my fam!

ok...i tried to look up my cousin, which i think i successfully did....bt i ddnt add yall.

ppl holla at me, bt i'm not adding any weird ppl. it's solely for overseas calls.

singapooooore!!!!

I'M BAACKK....~!!

2009-04-30T22:53:00.002+01:00

WITH A VENGENCE!!!

bwaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha................

urgh.........

i had 2 in-class MCQs this week.....and boi.....i need to buck up....bt i told myself tht since i was such a gd gerl and did SOME revision, i can get a day off....so long as i study during the weekend...since I'm only doin 8 hrs instead of my usual 16....tht's 8 hrs/day.... urgh my income... my pay.... my life!!! .....actually, my life consists of buyin food outside the house.... yh tht's where all my money ends up.... shat.....

i need to get rich quick.

well....i have another test tomorrow...tht'll decide whether i can receive some super duper more-than-PR so tht i dnt have to worry about the competition when i start working here. insha. I mean sheesh.... The Healthcare industry, dsnt matter GP or Hospital... actually all of UK now init? Ever since those new rules. Lord knows i need this, since I'll end up workin in a hospital.

I really need to ask tht BIG GUY UP THERE for some help... I dislike Dentistry. I love Medicine. BUT....I cnt stand this yr of Uni and just wana up and leave already!!! but either way...I'll end up with a 4 yr graduate entry programme....ADITIONAL STUDYING YEARS???? DNNTTT WAANNN.......... grrrrr.

And before u ask...i really have no other choice. I'm already doing Biomed. and i'm really comfortable with the lab. i'd've preferred the laboratory conditions to be better...as expected of a University.....bt NOOOO....so old skool...piss me off i mean Brunel and Middx and wat other uni lab have I seen..??....SO FRIGGIN BEAUTIFUL....so much so that I'd love in there and carry out experiments all day if you wanted me to....I'd so happily oblige... it was all so friggin modern and high tech....my bad, i ddnt see Middlesex University personally, but I did see Westminster University's Labs......

FRIGGIN BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

i'd never seen equipment so friggin georgeous in my life... and wat does my uni have? something similar to my 6th form.....bah!!! boring!! (even though ofc 'A' level labs would be something, we handle some pretty serious chemicals......my bad, my uni does handle some potentially pathogenic micro-organisms....it's....wat....Hazard Group 2? It's cool. E.coli isnt so scary anymore...bt it STINKS!!! damn micro-org!!) the only thing tht makes up for it...are the amazing Lecturers and lab techs. I have to say....My uni's lecturers rock.

now i just need to get some work done in a lab and/or hospital and/or dentist. my GP thought, u know, i'm in uni, so i dnt need any work experiance. bah~!! i need to get with the programme....and call UCLH and St Mary's and see if they have on-site Dental Clinics. I'll have to get Vaccinated.... no way I'll have enough time for tht. Hep C vac....need 6 mnths before thy actually allow u to work with patients.....

URGH...

right...need to sleep....need to wake up super early tomorrow!!!

chiayo!! woooo~~!!!!

it really IS stupid

2009-04-10T00:57:00.003+01:00

i can predict them in my sleep now.......

1 - Girl gets all excited about Good (Strong) Boy
2 - Intro BAD-ASS Boy....Interferes with Girl-Gd Boy Relationship. Wants her all to himself
----1 & 2 are interchangeable
3 - Good Boy is a bit slow to act a bit more forward...as in to take it to the next level.
4 - Bad Boy has already kissed her ONCE...if not more... whereas Good boy .... has Zero Points
5 - Girl..gets confused....starts to lose interest in Good guy til she falls in love with Bad Ass Guy.

~End~

DAMNIT......I pity the Good Guys...they're as hot as the Bad Guys...well, most of the time.

Perfect Example:
Devil Beside You... Watch it on AZNV.TV It's fantastic
Mike He is the Bad Ass
Rainie ... is the clueless naive, good gerl stuck in between the two Guys
Kingone is the Good Guy...he's the Basketball Captain.

Spoiler.....dnt read if u wana, or ARE watchin it

......................................................................
.......................................................
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.............................
....................
...........
.....

Mike He and Rainie kiss.....QUITE a lot...... they're in WHY WHY Love as well. "Huan Huan Ai".

Same love triangle...as in same Actors are play a love triangle in this one.

Manga..General Stories

2009-04-09T23:13:00.002+01:00

WTH...I know bad guys are hot, but why is it tht all shoujo manga stress tht so much. The heroine ALWAYS ends up with the bad guy...the more macho...the more....emotionally-retarded one??? The nice guy always get left in the dark....

but the "HERO" is also soft-hearted and changes when they fall in love with the heroine.

I know real life isnt like that, but it really makes me mad....i cnt stand the stupidity... even tho i know tht i read manga and stories for escape-ism....and fiction is just tht - FICTION.

but MANN it just pisses me off........

ok....gtg.....

i've got fb...and i have nv been so active on it as i have now....omg....it's so weird...

I'm a High Class Minah..... LMAO... ok, it's true tht I was nv into those Mat-types and I wana be rich (dnt we all???) but it was a BIT OTT....u know...

well....and I'm a Pontianak as well..cool ryt? my mate got Toyol.....LMAO... suits her ROFL...

ok...gtg.....29 chapters to go...

xxxxx

Haunted Mansion...

2009-04-01T00:07:00.002+01:00

they really do exist....

I used to live with my Aunt back in South East asia...she used to have (it's sold now) a 2-storey, 3 bedroom.. detached mansion. with 1 big "gym" room...which ended up being the playroom for the kids. A driveway..front garden, back garden..wicked kitchen...well, not like the American ones, but it was spacious AND cozy, really family-like. 2 living rooms, huge one with the TV, and one in the middle, between tht big LR and the open-plan dining room..the kitchen could be closed off from the rest of the house....there was a room downstairs as well, with an en-suite bathroom...which used to be my cousin's male-gathering place/office/boy's playroom-football manager games and loud eccentric music....

then there was the back door, leading to the washing machine and dryer (which was rarely used) an outdoor "kitchen"...a banana tree (i duno WHO planted tht....) a toilet, and there was a room just outside the back door. small but useable......

Now I loved tht house, but I ran away the very moment I was given a chance to my other Unc's house.

I had 2 dreams of a "war" that my siblings and I were fighting...vampires.... my brother had a similar dream....we also had a dream of a "war" in the kitchen (downstairs), where the house was surrounded with vampires. Kids have weird imaginations...but they see things tht adults DONT. wen a kid says "mummy, why is there a headless man walking the streets"...it means there's a headless man walkin the streets..so you should move out of its way....and tell ur child, nicely, to hush and walk away.

Well....guess wat? Behind our lovely house....in the back part....there was a whole family of....Jinns...now they can be anything....vampires......they generally disturb the human population and are unseen. But they exist, I've been disturbed by them, so I should know. I've also seen them in dreams, my sister's seen them...my brother's seen them....most of the Island-country I'm from have seen something...

Back to the Hauned house...I was never comfortable and shivers were synonymous with walking in the dark in the back part of the house....Once, I made my aunt hot choc, i had to turn all the lights throughout the halls on....never made hot chocolate so fast in my life....it was uncanny..the windows were pitch black but I felt...disturbed, I couldnt see wat it was, but I'd had enough run-ins with the Unseen, that I knew that there was something....unsettling.so i whopped my ass upstairs quick time....nearing the very top, a shadow flew across the top floor, from one room to another....and the weirdest thing is...i heard a cackling. I'd heard of witched cackling and wat it's supposed to sound like, but this was the first time i heard it....and the sound was rebounding around my head....i came into my aunts room, shaken, but composed and recalled the story. She looked at me and told me to pray. My whole family arent strangers to these Unseen, so she knew I wasnt lying wen I told her.

There's more. these things.....practically lived in my aunt's bathroom. I could feel them and it was the same feeling i had wen I was told to go to the mirror in my house (which had to be sold wen my mother passed away) after my shower. felt something..and dreamt wat it was the same night.

The way vampires are described are the same way these Unseen looked like wen i dreamt of them in my Aunt's House...but they're not wat the general description of vamps are. they're invisible to the human eyes...but their purpose is to disturb us. The parents train them (children) from a young age. And they always have big families.

The dreams of these "wars" were always big....the lot of them always covered the back part of the house....and they covered every square inch of land in the back. This was their "house". they perceived it as their land. My cousin saw a Jinn in the middle of the night, and at the same time, my former Unc-in-law saw it from his room. their rooms were next door to each other.

Jins consider anything with a single wall as theirs as well. so if there was a whole flat? Yep, from the Ground to the Top....they'd see as theirs....

My Unc is still occupying his house in London.....a family of Jinns...Mum, Dad, children (God knows how many)...Grandma.... He lives in a converted Victorian semi-detached. So...2 floors...2 rooms upstairs, and 2 neighbours downstairs..never went in them, so i wouldnt know wat they looked like....then there was a similar arrangement next-door...semi-detached remember.

So wat happened was, my Unc's direct neighbours, also on the upper floor, were watching TV and it was quite loud....all they see is a figure going through the wall from my Unc's direction...on the other side of the wall.....and turning it down...did it turn it down or turn it off....i cnt rember. but the young'uns moved out after a while.... nobody really stayed very long. But my Unc's been there a while....wen u have religion...it's a sword against them. otherwise...just move out, u'll never win against these Unseen.

Trust me.....i know...they mess you up....

Ah, and BOTH my bro and I dreamt that those vampires congregating round the house BIT our cousin Sh-..in the legs...my bro dreamt tht both legs were bitten, I dreamt that his neck was bitten......i cnt remember...BUT he was deffinitely bitten in my dream. And after my bro dreamt his dream...i duno wen my dream happened..i was starting to become detached from my surrogate big bro by tht time (which is REALLY SAD, i miss the good ol' days)..well, after my bro's dream, he injured his legs critically..he can walk and everything, but the doctor said that he couldnt play rugby like he wanted to.....anyway, I remember that my aunts said tht the doc said it would hinder his rugby playing...he still plays...but it affects him....yeah i remember.....

he was quite put out.....it's an understatement......

anyway........

now i can confirm those weird feelings and uncomfortable feelings, even in broad daylight i had werent my imagination....so there were there......

oh, and they attack you if you hurt their kids.....and u'll literally....be disturbed.....

Be careful....u never know wat might be lurking in the corner....but dnt get paranoid....
I'm Not... =D

trust me, i dnt go around looking into shadows....not a good thing to do... dnt look for trouble when there's none....bcoz u'll just end up diggin ur own grave. Let them be.

Love,
Yours Truly

I could eat nothing but SOUTH EAST ASIAN food for a year

2009-03-31T15:45:00.002+01:00

I'm so SOUTH EAST Asian .....i miss home..

SOUTH EAST ASIA!!! So...

....i'd die happy if i could eat SEAsian food forever Singaporean (tht's my passport..still)/Malaysian/Thai/Chinese/Japanese/Javanese (Indonesia dong!!)..... Chicken Rice i could eat for breakfast-lunch-dinner!!! then there's Nasi Lemak...i REALLY dnt know how to translate wat kind of dish tht is..but there's a lot of coconut, galangal...lemon grass...??
.....RENDANG!!!!......nasi pataya...roti canai...(that's pronounced CHA-nai...us malays pronounce "c" as "ch-")..aka roti pratha....nasi goreng (fried rice) LAKSA.....argh..SUSHI!!! I used to go to a sushi place in the mall with my mates...arrhh...good times, good times...

....mee goreng...... kueh teow....MEE HONG KONG KUEH TEOW!!!...argh...i'm so totally drooling now...damnit...mee hong kong kueh teow is...kueh tiao noodles..rice noodles...bit like...wat, fetuccini, only white and super slippery...in some see-thru soup-thing, which is a little thick, due to cornflour...with some greens...shallots....argh.....and beef. I dnt know if any other country hass it, but Singapore is where the heart is beybeh!!

I cnt find it in all of London....plus, being muslim means..it's harder...why cnt there be any halal chinese cuisine HUH???!!!..ok maybe there is...i just cnt find it...and WHY ARE MY S.E.Asian PEOPLE'S FOOD SO FRIGGIN EXPENSIVE in LONDON??...

Oh and FYI....i lived in s'pore and we ddnt have anything called "**Singapore** Fried Rice"!! All S'poreans eat fried rice. it's wat we do with left over rice...it's wat we do wen we're hungry...it's the first basic thing we're taught in Home Economics.... it's wat everyone can "cook" by 6th Grade...just make sure mum cooked the rice....then we just dump it with anything we can get our hands on. Ofc, there are some who are an expert with fried rice...

for example, I only learnt in 7th grade (Year 7 in London, Secondary 1 in S'pore) that if you put in Fish sauce, no matter HOW BAD it smells (it REALLY smells) if you put in a FEW drops and put in the veg and soya sauce, maybe with eggs..or chicken...or beef, ur preference..but the beef has to be sliced thinly, or else it'll just be weird....THEN IT TASTES REALLY GOOD....after that....me and fish sauce were the best of friends. Bcoz i fry rice here as well....but my dad hates the smell *tsk*.africans.....so i've stopped it...i use Oyster sauce instead...which doesnt give the same OOMFF...WHOA factor...but it's ok....

Tissue, oyster card, mobile, 2 types of ID, 4 Plastic cards...bit of cash, various receipts..loads of pens and pencils travels with me

2009-03-31T15:21:00.001+01:00

Tissue, oyster card, mobile, 2 types of ID, 4 Plastic cards...bit of cash, various receipts..loads of pens and pencils
Tissue- I might need to blow my nose...

Oyster card- The London way of travelling. Public transport is my life...since i (still) cnt drive.....

Mobile- again, the Brit term, aka Cell phone. That is my right hand, my brain and....just in case there's a hot guy, i need to pretend i'm busy =D .......so i dnt drool, or look like a fool. I've perfected this technique, coz everytime i used to see a hot guy, i used to end up looking reeeeaaallyyy stupid/lame/idiotic/foolish/freaky. So i came to the conclusion that I'm allergic to hot guys and so My Mobile is a Godsend/Soul-saving device/a BLESSING!!.......

2 types of ID....i'm obsessed with proving myself?? one is my University card and one is my Visa Debit card...yaye Boomerang prepaid card!!.....

4 plastics...that would be tht prepaid card, and another prepaid... I dnt trust myself with credit cards..they're dangerous.... plus... I only use cash in places that don't use plastic...which is really sad..and dangerous..for my bank....='( ..........
cash is for places like the corner shops, my University shop and Gregg's.... they dnt take plastic...which is so sad......

various receipts....bcoz I'm obsessed with them...THINKING that i'd probably add them up and keep a record of them somewhere in the near future...NOT happenin! and so it gets to the point tt I get quite mad and chuck them all out...wen I'm broke... so i dnt get disillusioned.......

by purse....i think this part is for my gi-normous bag...it really is quite large
=D
...............
I have an obsession with stationary....I buy more and more, even though I dnt need them....I think i have this worry that I'll run out of ink, or that the pencil will break, or is blunt and i 4got to bring my sharpener (Yes I have 1 in my bag...one of those ones that u dnt have to go to a bin..YeP)... basically, my friends know tht if they need something along the lines of stationary...i GOTS IT!!....well...most probably... XD

Clock Change

2009-03-29T19:26:00.002+01:00

Today the clocks changed 1hr forward. It's really disconcerting. I just made a mistake. I dnt know wat i was thinking....

oh well...leme just do it now that it's time.....

aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggghhh!!! tht dumb literature report is doin me head in!!! i cnt do it...
::sob::

ofc i can...i'm just bein lazy and dramatic...I'm such a Drama Queen. I love this stuff... Science is beautiful!!!

I love SCIENCE!!! BIOMEDICAL SCIENCE ROCKS!!!!

super cool.....

it's so exciting

much love,
Me

Retraction of my prev statement....and 1 more thing

2009-03-28T22:35:00.002Z

Ok. so sometimes eating with the OM is alright. he can be cool....

Argh, listening to Paramount's Decode is so friggin cool. it's got some twilight clips, so i ended up wanting to watch it really badly....i was lookin for the DVD but it's not out yet.....I THINK...
I READ Twilight, but at tht time, the other two books were being ordered by my library, and it was a new release.

The 2 main characters, played by Kristin Stewart (Bella) and Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen), who i forgot played Cedric Diggory...i thought he looked familiar!! it did ok as film from the book adaptation. ofc, film cnt protray the book perfectly, the meadow scene isnt as good as my imagination thought it was...it looked kinda weird actually...i was like..WTH...his skin looked like it aged or somethin....then "diamonds" shone fom his skin....kinda weird...

BUT...i realised something....

I DETEST WEAK HEROINES.....

Women are almost all the time the weaklings in the story..the Damsel in distress. Well, cnt the damsel in distress have at least SOME powers and help herself a lil bit??? Until the male lead can take over??? Like Jean of X-Men...granted she went AWOL coz her powers went beserk... STILL.....oh! Like Susan of Fantastic4!!!

Weak women make me bored of the plot REALLLLY easily!!

Damnit...I hate weak women......

Tht might be a psychology, since i grew up with my mum havin a spine of steel... she was one amazing woman.... and all the women I grew up with....who surrounded me, were not helpless. they rarely.... IF EVER put themselves in that Damsel in Distress helpless position. no go on either side of my family. Both of my sides have Strong Women.

It must be it...and I detest being weak myself.....it was my environment.

URRGHHH!!!!

2009-03-28T11:44:00.001Z

To think some kids want their parents to give them more attention since they're always away, and I want mine to Go Away. He's not workin on sat-sun....and so he bothers me since i'm at home at the moment...doin my uni project.

argh...irritatin. nowadays, wen he's at home, and he wants to eat, he forces us to eat with him... at least one of us... no matter how much we protest....in the end we need to eat at least a bite and sit and entertain him. do u know how irritating it truly is?????? I cnt take it anymore!! GGRRRR!! wat's up wiv him anyway huh? did he see a kid die or wat??? I was fine with my dad being out. I was fine wen we ddnt eat together BECAUSE IT WAS SUCH A HASSLE!!! I'm used to eatin quickly and getting on wiv watever needs doing. U just cnt do tht wen u eat with him. u're gona sit for HOURS...and I'm not sayin it's boring or anything...tht's the thing.... the stories we share are entertaining....to the point where we're all talkin over each other......

I do like it...but i dnt get why we have to eat together...it's so friggin irritating. and if one of us doesnt volunteer to eat with him......the person who looks the most "free", so to speak, gets it.... oh how me and my siblings run away wen he wants to eat....make ourselves really busy. ANd then he comes into our (sis&my) room and eats there....occassionally spoon feeding us. then he sits with us for Hours.....God's Sake...leave us alone already....

We've all come to the conclusion that our OM is a very active individual...who's also a workaholic. or else he ends up buggin his kids no end......

Oh how i wish mum was alive....r.i.p. mummy. :'( mum always knew of ways to calm my dad down or of ways to distract him. God knows I was thankful for all those times, and Boy were there many of those times!! ahh...Good times, Good times!!

love,
Me xoxox

Creative juices

2009-03-26T23:54:00.002Z

I have a need to write these days, this may be thnx to the fact that i'm reading a historical-shoujo manga. and i LOVE anything historical. It always gets me thinking and my imagination goes into overdrive.

urgh...i'm sleepy now. well...harh...it's 00:18 tht's why.

gtg...so much with being insprired by the manga.

No Title...

2009-03-26T00:07:00.000Z

lol...thnx hun...for tha comment.

ok. i'm reading a heart-breaking manga...a scanlation...but to tell u tha title wud probably make u think tht i'm quite hentai.....it's romance-shoujo....school days....

Heck , i never knew kids could be so bold.... and this manga is actually quite good!!!

ok ok ok, if i'm not gona tell u tha title at least stop goin on about it right? sorry-sorry-sorry!!

actually, wat i wanted to write ....urgh...wat AM i doing? i should Helium it!!! Yeah.

Urgh, i have a scientific literature review to submit soon..and i ddnt even book for work... hah, like they'd need me, the b*s***ds......
grrr.....

i'm angry...now i'm gona vent....

love yas, ciao!!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

2009-03-15T15:58:00.002Z

This, in my opinion, is definitely true. It doesnt matter if you're slightly overweight, by clinical standards, you can still be beautiful. It's how you carry yourself that matters. There are gerls in my office who medics would probably term slightly overweight, but i think look absolutely stunning. They've got fantastic dress sense, even some medically-acceptable-weighted gerls cnt compare. And the way they walk, is great.

Now before you get the wrong idea, I'm a straight woman. I really am. I just observe so that I can learn from other women what it's truly like to be beautiful and wat beauty really is. I know they say that it's not the outside that counts, it's wat's on the inside that truly matters. But that's only acceptable to a certain extent. Wen you're out shopping for clothes, and you find that the shop doesnt have your size. When you're forced to accept the fact that THAT TOP you think is uber cute...or those HOT jeans that are SO you.....cnt fit.....it's a reality check for yourself.

Wen I think of beauty, I dnt just think of my weight. OFC it's my face and how i conduct myself. But weight plays an important part with me..not bcoz of the opposite sex, but bcoz of my self-confidence and bcoz i'm sick and tired of not being able to find my size in that cute top...and being extra careful with wat i buy, bcoz i'm a Pear (u're not a female if you dnt know wat i'm talkin about, and if u're a male tht understands...you're one of 2 things-but overall, you'd be a miracle)

i'm sick and tired of not bein able to waltz into any shop and find my size. i'd like to have tt option. And I cnt find my size, mainly bcoz I look for clothes that are at least 1-2 sizes bigger. Now you know my problem. LOL. but it's only because, "my size" is ridiculously small for me. Nt my main body. but my butt. (dsnt tht sound funny? LOL) urgh.

All the african women who have lost weight recently, and I mean LOST at least 9kg and TONED and eat healthy and lovin it....pls holler at me. I am in dire need of some advice. Quick-time... and by african...i mean the PEAR-SHAPED ones. seriously.coz i know that africans are all kinds.

argh........

woe to my weight problem. this sux. =((

Plus, it doesnt help tt i have the african extra luggage behind. Being even slightly overweight is

My new laptop

2009-03-13T22:29:00.002Z

wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

i've finally gotten rid of my (CRAPPY) Sony Vaio!!

And got myself a Hp Pavilion Entertainment PC with nVidia graphics card, intel centrino core 2 duo, running Windows Vista.

And I dnt think that installing my tablet-graphics thing will cause much probs. I say "much probs" bcoz of the WinVista aspect.

Oh but I love change sometimes. I was getting bored to death of my impossibly slow sony. from this day on, I am traumatised by the Sony brand.....and by tht i mean their laptops. FRIGGIN Fragile!!!!!! piece of shit.

My HP may be 2nd-hand, and my sony was first-hand, but I'm looking forward to owning my current laptop..... bcoz the wireless actually works in my room. the keyboard is more hardy and it's for entertainment.... which means that I can install my artsy stuff and not worry this wont be able to hack it.

and i call myself a scientist....bah!!

as the day passes

2009-02-22T13:46:00.002Z

I tell myself that i have to cut down on snacking. esp the choc. but the more i tell myself only a bit, the more i want it and the more it tastes better. it's like disallowed things, u know u cnt have it, but bcoz they're forbidden, u want to have it.

and so here i am sitting on my desk listening to people, or waiting for them to go on an interview, and i am bored stiff.....so what does my brain do? think of chocolate. i'm officially having chocolate withdrawal symptoms. i'm serious.

God help me.

='(

firstly

2009-02-21T18:12:00.002Z

phurezy (purpose misspelling of your nick babe..=p), SORRY!!! loooooooool completely forgot my name wouldnt be on the msg...rofl......

ah...............i am at work. last hr...less than actually. i think my people skills are coming along actually. democratically telling ppl not to skip questions and not offending them when i tell them off. plus them not actually seeming to be very pissed off with me and recognising me as on of the "in charge ppl". heck i cnt complain. i'm a multiplayer. i interview. or i monitor. either way i get the best of both worlds.

well. updat-update. nothing to update about except for the fact that i am very mucho behind on my Uni work. shux. i need to really shoot myself. it's just not on. well. at least i know it. AH, and i wana do graphics-web designing. as in, u know, really learning the ins and outs of proper web and graphics designing. i found that if you dnt learn to design properly, then when you can play with the html part....you still dnt know (unless u're naturally creative - unlike moi) how to integrate the design with your awesome ideas.

i need a website to publish my ideas. maybe i'll start with just making blog templates and see how they go. then i'll do the WHOLE web shebang??

well heck....

facebook isnt AS boring SOMEtimes. if i know that i am looking for specific persons and miss the vibe of my mates.

ok.....last 40mins. lets do this shit!! YEAH!!

love,
Me

old tunes

2009-02-19T22:17:00.002Z

i'm listening to city high-what would you do

argh. then christina milan comes on with us against the world. such a jiwang song. the beat is so good.

now wat time did i eat....i've got to work it out, coz i need to do my on the spot work out. i swear the next bursary that comes into my account will go towards ankle weights and...well, normal weights. i figured, if skipping everyday for 2mins is good for you, then if i were to listen to something like Britney's womanizer and workout on the spot...and say repeated tht song 2wice since the beat is so good...wont it be good? every night? well, u shouldnt exercise at night, it should be in the mornings, but really the only time i have time is at night. and tht's wen i have the least disturbance....

then if i were to add weights to tht. good ini? i hate exercising, coz it's so boring. especially the mat types. but if i get to zone out from the world for a bit then....how cool is that??? AND GET FIT???

oh yeah people, my absolutely favourite radio station is http://www.defjay.com
i have this obsession urban r'n'b songs... and they have the best tunes - all the old and new tunes? the best thing that happened to me was this station. only thing is that it's online.

not much speaking...i dnt think i've heard any adverts. they only remind you that you're listening to defjay.com ....yeah tht's it.

arrrggghhhhhh.....

romance..............................................................................................

gotta get a grip...............

some romance songs are great.BUT they can kinda get dirty... like The Game's She Needs my Love, the bit where he says ".....she keeps those thongs chewin on her a**" the song was nice, but tht and somthin else just killed it. and trey songz - last time also killed the mood. "spread your legs" WTF????

Male singers.......pls....if u gona get romantic....DNT put profanities...it kills the whole mood. -_-'

ok. now i'm gona get off cyber world....oh shat. fb.....i'm flyin there....adios amigos!!

xxxxx

Nix

xxxx

sluggish

2009-02-07T18:48:00.003Z

maybe it's because i did a manga scanlation marathon til 3:30am this morning and had to wake up at 8am (to some that might mean nothing). i woke at 8 coz i had work at 10am. for which i was late.

and maybe in addition to that, i ate 3 choco rolls....like....brioche, or little oval-like buns filled with choc for breakfast in the span of an hour, no less...

and maybe in addition, i had those 3 vegetarian bake things.....filled with beans.

and then i ate....a fruit bag....

................a yum-yum.....cuboidal-shaped glazed doughnut......

and 8 pieces of milky way chocolate (i hate white chocolate, but i was hungry)

maybe all those have culminated into this mother of all headaches and i just wana go home......

and eat some real, hot home-made food.

urgh.......i feel like puking. oh...where've my panadol gone to?????

make moneyyy.....

2009-01-24T23:57:00.002Z

Profit Lance. Heard of it? I didnt until last night. And I told myself to read up on the info that i've just invested in before I start Uni again and wont have time for this shit. But one thing after another pops up.

God, parents can be annoying.

And then there's the "annual" (not really, but it's a long time in btwn them) talk of the 3Siblings . We all sit on the bed and my bro busts some jokes, I laugh til my sides hurt and my lil sis (youngest) just smiles and laughs occassionally (because her time relative to the Rest of the World is quite slow...... -_-')

I mean, come on, this is my sister who only understood the jokes on Friends only recently. In the last half of last year......when she started work and there was a tv playing Friends and she FINALLY understood the jokes I was cracking up to, like, EONS ago. NOT that friends isnt funny STILL. Gosh, They'll forever be the Best Comedy.

My head is about to explode.

Damn OM. i so wanted to smash OM's head a while back.

Let's see if I can take in any information on pLance.

love,
NiX
xxxxxx

no one can stress this enough

2009-01-07T22:19:00.002Z

Mr George W Bush is really really silly.....

I'm trying to be a good person. But his words in the news in the Daily Mail (Tues 6th Jan '09), made me really really angry. I think he's so warped. I so wana clonk his head....is there anything up there at all???? -_-" Anyhow, the article was near the beginning of the DM. not that it was hard to miss.

argh. I'm so angry at the leaders of the world. I'd just like to ask why they resort to violence? You men of power here on Earth, chosen to lead your people, and you chose to use force and not passive manners. I'm sorry, I do not see why Israel need more space, it's like Hitler's Germany wanted "living space" (lebensraum). which lead to invasions of neighbouring countries.

WHAT DEFENCE????????AGAINST HARMLESS CIVILIANS? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS????????.....................and then this Hamas business.....-_-".....u just cnt win....

no matter how many of us protest and speak out.....will it really make a difference? how many more years do the people have to suffer. and by people, i mean both the Palestinians AND the israelis. Tho the latter are much despised by the public at the moment, i cannot help but think of those in btwn the 2 countries who are completely innocent of the situation. I truly believe that you cannot stereotype all of a peoples based on the handful the media has thrown at you. it's only one side of the story. and it's not from those associated with the government.

i had a girl i once knew, a palestinian, who said that the situation back home wasnt (but this was....3 yrs ago....-_-") all the media cracked it up to be. she used to have Israeli friends and the girls used to laugh together...it sounded normal, the way her eyes lit up and talked of her home and how some of her friends were Israelis.

And now, at this moment in time, seeing all the casualties flash before the screen, repeated over and over again in the news...new deaths, new funerals, new broken hearts.....death-death-death.... they wake up everyday hoping they can live through it.....it breaks my heart.

I can't help but empathise the situation of the world. We protest.......now what is going to happen?

May The One, Most Merciful, Most Benificent, Most Kind lead you to peace along His Straight path, fil Dunia wal Akhira.
Ameen.

ACK!!!!! ME FACE!!!!

2009-01-06T23:56:00.004Z

Argh. I went to see my GP today and all he did after i told him the details and stuff...was smile gently and tell me:
Well dear, you have acne.

and all i could think was................huh?? xcuz me?? say WHAT????????

and wen i went "huh...oh, no" out loud, he smiled some more and said, don't worry. it's common among those your age.

I've just turned 20 in Nov '08. and to think i was in the safety zone regarding these types of skin problems...........

so then i wanted to know more about this cursed skin problem and what did i find? and American Godsend. I just hope that I'll be able to afford p&p as well as the Cleansing kit.

8oz. each. hrm........

oh, yeah, ALL ACNE SUFFERERS....GO TO:
www.acne.org

yaye! Daniel Kern saved us all....btw... anyone heard of a Deepa Choprak?? I'm gone google tht name.

and then see if there're more acne products out there.......

anyone suffering from peeling dry skin, apparently u need to put 4-5 drops of Jajoba oil to your moisteriser. yeh tht's what Dan sed....

oh well..

gtg......bye!!!!!

xxxx kisses

WWW.ONEMANGA.COM

2009-01-05T19:26:00.002Z

I love that website, but, currently, i hate it from the bottom of my heart....... it's my fault tho. I'm so addicted, it's not even funny.... -_-"

and mangakas really do have to work hard, maybe even more than authors for their art. I mean they have deadlines, hectic schedules, make a storyline..... plus, mangakas being japanese, they work extremely hard.

but oh i hate the part of me that need mangas like bees are attracted to honey......Or, no, tht sounds nice. I'm like a crack addict. I'm hooked. If i dnt get my dose or if i dnt get any, i get withdrawal symptoms... with me, that'll mean that i'll walk around the house in a zombie-like state. i am so seriously addicted.

need to study. need to start practicing writing those damn essay questions.

argh pharmacology!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i HATE THAT SUBJECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

22:46 London GMT

2008-12-30T22:43:00.002Z

Tht's the time i've started typing this, God knows wen i'll actually finish my thoughts for today.

If you have noticed, i've started to blog at home, and not at work, purely bcoz i dnt go to work that often in this Season (christmas in London=no work + economic recession, and New Year... go figure). And since i'm at home too, seeing as there's no Uni at the moment, i have more time to encompass all the things that i love (save 1= studying long and hard!!!) argh....but the studying pays off.

wen i dnt get the things that i want done, in terms of covering the material i set out to do, i get quite upset. then i become really moody. like today.

wow i am becoming a super cow as the exams loom nearer, end of holidays mean exams!!!! I may have worked hard, but i'm not so sure if it's all paid off. even tho i know it's already doing me a world of good now....i can feel it. but i was especially moody today. i didn't go to the library, thinking i was going to be in my room anyway so no worries. oh no was i wrong. i was gona write personal EVIL thoughts, but i'd promised myself not to. so i cnt. but lets just say that if it wasnt for a visiting body today, i would've been the day slave.....:@ :@ :@ yes tht is how angry i truly am. i heard the infuriating comments.

argh......cleanse oneself, cleanse oneself.....i am better than that, i am better than THAT.

trust me, i've been blogging since i was about......how old......17?? no i was in yr 10/11..i think yr 11. yeah. i wrote in the blog about how i twisted my ankle on my mate's b/day. i remembered Afqh's bday this yr a day later (which is better than last yr wen i remembered wayyyy later)...but i was busy and was going round that day sorting something out........it was a monday. wow. mondays are always full days for me. from the morning to the afternoon...then by the timei get home i am thoroughly exhausted.

bio of disease, for 1 hr, then 1 hr break, then 2 hrs lect on same module, then 1 hr in the late afternoon with.... who else but Dr P with Advanced Physiology. on the heart......

friggin wonderful MY Mondays, how bout yours, ey?

ok im going. see i knew it: 23:03 now.

i deffo gotta go since i gotta put some cream on my face. thn sleep so i can wake up at a decent hour tomorrow.

which means try and wake up before 12 noon. lovely innit??

well.............ciao..............................................

love,
eternally Urs (by tht i mean Cyber World)
NiX
xxxxxx

ok desperate times.....

2008-12-27T18:05:00.003Z

FYI?......i'm 20...currently feeling like i'm about to sink into unkown waters of oblivion and flailing...terribly.....

my dad just broke some horrible news...hold up...i told yall wat it was already.

i'm sorry, but even if i was culturally faithful..... i'm a city gerl thru and thru. i cnt hack this worry. and i cnt hack this anger and i hack watever's bubbling inside of me...i dnt know wat it is i'm feeling but it's not pleasant.

i'm gona break the ice this one time and tell yall.....................

my paternal side is SUDANESE.

Of the North variety.

I call myself North Sudanese bcoz tht's wat my dad is and it's where i, too consider my loyalties to be.

BUT. I cannot possibly ignore my maternal side, where i was born and bred, where i grew up and lived and learnt stuff from my aunts my skool mates and where i learnt to eat...no seriously, i have a SERIOUS tongue that caters for my South East Asian roots. i eat everything, but i crave my mother's side's ethnical foods. when my mother passed away, i lived with my uncs and aunts on my mum side. i went to skool. i had my first crush. i cnt ignore THT part of my heritage.

I guess i'm just afraid tht my future...**ahem** won't be able to understand my mixed heritage. will try to supress that side of me and won't recognise my maternal side as his as well and not allow me to teach my kids my mother tongue, of which i am not very fluent, but tht's not the point. the point being that i can speak it slightly is the whole point.

i am so worried.

i know it's probably nothing since the world is quite small now considering the ease of travelling far distances in short spans of time. but that's not the point. this is a very real issue to me.

and i cnt help but worry..even tho i know i should put my Worry in God's hands.

i'm only Human after all.

are there any North Sudanese fellas out there who will be able to refute my thoughts and regard them as silly- but gently??

I'm so not into tht marriage thing. i dnt want to even go anywhere near that word. Scares the living bazookas outta me. ::shiver:: ...brrrrr.....

it's gettin cold in here....... no really, my mental state is currently on the brink of sanity.. it might jump soon.......

ciao.....................
X.me.X

SHOCKING UPDATE!!!

2008-12-26T19:52:00.002Z

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

In this day and age and growing up with my mum's side - South East Asian.....and i thought my dad (N. African) was an understanding man who was acceptable of my choice...... he did, afterall marry outside of the safety zone....

i found out he was actually quite scared of his eldest daughter being whisked away by the wrong man..... not that i'm stupid or that i actually have someone in mind......

but i just wanted to be given a choice......i should be thankful that i have a dad who will listen to my wants and high maintenence issues....

but really......he brought me up in a way as to not accept below what is expected of me and wat is expected from me.........so this really is an issue to me.

i am so upset i cant write properly

he said he FOUND SOMEONE FOR ME???????

wat the HECK is that supposed to mean?????????????

for the love of all that is holy............................................................................................

.....................................................................................................................................................

........................................................................................................................................

............................................................................................................................

...............................................................................................................

that was sposed to be a long pause.

i am just trying to calm down. the anger doesnt seem to be dissipitating.

obviously, someone plagued my ol man's mind. i'll bet it was....!"£$%^&* - head.

as you can see, i'm angry. not scared. bcoz i know, God help me, that my dad wont force me into an unwilling marriage. i dnt think that sentence makes sense.

but yeah. the future's the future. i know i'm the type of person who falls in love easily, that is my nature. BUT, it'll be really nice if i could get with someone who was on par with my religion AND with who i am as a person- a diverse person. i'm not wholly from a specific continent, let alone from a specific country.

if i could just have someone out there who was acceptable in my father's eyes and who could understand me as a person.....

ARGH!!!! LIFE........ok. chill. it's ok. there's a God. I'm alright.

ah....i'm hopeless right now. ok. leme go do some calming down studying....something tht'll take my mind off of that hopeless topic...........................

i dont want someone who impersonates my dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR........ i barely understand what's going on in my dad's head, i barely agree with him, we barely think on the same wavelength!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i love my dad and all, but i was hoping i could find someone who fit MY PROFILE!!!!

forget it....

GODDAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

::BAWL::

dnt worry i'm just being a drama queen. i'm not that bothered. but i am so very very very extremely PISSED.

i dnt agree with my fellow paternal country-men. i DONT.

what the heck, WHY COULDNT THE N.AFRICAN GUY MY MATE FOUND FOR ME NOT HAVE DISSAPPEARED INTO THIN AIR????

he was in 3rd yr and i was in 1st yr. him pharmaceutics, me ......**omitted**......

ah......but it wasnt meant to be. but still. i'm 20 and i still dream of prince charming sweeping me off my feet.....

hurh.................i need to grow up....very very soon.

time is turning itself on me.

shit and double whammy shit.............oh crap in damnation...................

tht's my swearing in words for today.

argh.........ok.... deffo going now....

ciao.

::barr teeth::

u-know-who

obviously...me

2008-12-26T12:48:00.002Z

OK. here i am back again....just to let yall know my female hormones are deffo kicking in....

the future is looming in front of me and i feel in awe and afraid by it. if you were as mixed as me, you'd be too.

african asian. big mix.diff cultures. diff ideologies.

and oh heck i'm a mess.

ok. enuff bout the messy future.

wat happened yesterday... went to a family friend's house, i had cooked rice, so at least the ladies ate wat i put on the plate, the men, i found later ate no rice or pasta, of which Aunty F cooked. only my bro, the mixed dude, ate some. the others just ate bread. i assure you, it's very much the norm with our part of Africa....up north.

i loved the food. i even drank diet pepsi....first fizzy drink i've had in a long time- tasted great. Dnt get me wrong. i'm not on a diet with those fizzy drinks....it's just that i dont prefer them. u put a juice or fizzy drink in front of me, i'll choose the juice any day.

but i think the pepsi was less FIZZY than a fizzy drink usually is.

so i drank it.

diet pepsi only bcoz tht's the only pepsi available owing to tha fact that the Man of the House is Diabetic.

Am now munching on heated up Bran Flakes-Kellog's. with soya milk. it's the second bowl of the day. i'm hoping that it'll stem my hunger till 6 pm. but, since my dad's off. i dnt think tht'll be likely. if my dad's hungry he makes us all eat. and he makes some NIIIIIICCCCEEEE food.

i do too...tehehehehe.....wen i'm in the mood.

argh..........i just realised...i didnt make the rice look edible... i mean i did....but the presentation wasn't very good was it......tht's why. my fellow n. africans barely eat any rice, if at all.

well.....

urh........i have to finish my bowl of bran flakes. then i have to finish off my revsion, get to the past papers, then move on to the next subject..

shat.... Dr P's notes.....to think i usualy overslept, so nv once went to his lectures (he had 3). and now i have to cover them all on my own.

God help me.

O_o

ciao my lovelies.

i just realised

2008-12-21T17:55:00.002Z

i only blog wen i'm at work in the last few moments before home time.

and not at home.

Work was nice today. It's quite relaxed. The projects are finishing and really.....there's nothing to do. I was monitoring people today. I've realised only a certain amount of people who happen to be new can take criticisms....

Listening to Dirty2 East....I just realised that The Moroccan Elmoro is married and his mum chose his wife. So.....urh.....wow. How old is this song....i wonder...... I know Waqas married his cousin......hurh......i'm still in shock. Not jealous, just...intrigued. extremely confused. But the way he described her, is ideal for him, but sounds masochistic at the same time....dnt get me wrong i got african blood and ideologies instilled in me.

ok.ciao. gtg. so far all my entries have been quite short.

tomorrow i'll study and wait for my pay so that i can go shopping with my sis and buy her the present i promised. God help me fulfill my promise...i've broken my promises before and she doesnt really put much stock by her ol' sis' promises. I've proven her wrong some times now.. and she looks extremely hopefull..like a cute puppy. so i cnt break her heart. considering that the next pay is quite good, i wont mind splashing out (yes I'm serious it's big money for me) £30.

lol

oh well.....

i really do have to go...and file those papers before the shift ends.

xxx NiX xxxx

uh-oh....

2008-12-19T20:28:00.002Z

I haven't eaten since 12noon...and it's now 20:29.... plus I drank coffee.....

I feel light-headed and dizzy..............

i cnt think straight................

but i'm not tht hungry. and by that i mean that if someone's not eating in front of me, i'm not hungry, but if you are, my mouth will be watering...i'm not even kidding.

my stomach has protested countless times this evening. it's not growling...it's doing the twister. and then the acid has started to do The Dance. My brain's deprivation of my usual nutrients (may the people in Africa dying of hunger not curse me...pls) has had me dizzy..light-headed. Wait...................i just said that. ah....ok.....

Now i just need to find ways of using my Boomerang prepaid card. I swear that visa card is giving me a headache.

and i don't have money at the moment...i'm so broke- i'm bruck.....

i'm just wasting time before i can go home and eat some decent home food. i should put that chicken in the oven...not the microwave, God knows that chicken only tastes half decent wen i put it in the microwave. OVEN....yeah....

i know wat i'm getting paid. Now all I have to do is make sure that tht money can last me 22 days, after deducting neccessities like Rent..TV licence..mobile contract bill....hopefully i ddnt get overcharged for using more than i should.....and wat else....

hey... i live with my family, but i need to pay rent so my dad can relax.

it's not much so it's no prob.

ah....money problems aside....

i hav to worry about my exams now.

and i hav to lose more weight....................

exercise.............now tht i'm gona have more free time..........

i think................

urgh............................

Mood Swings

2008-12-16T20:49:00.000Z

Lately, little things make me teary-eyed. I've always been sensitive to emotional things. My fam know that an emo scene on TV makes me cry for the whole universe and my heart feels tha pain of the person on tv.

So wen i watched Alexandra Burke's final moments on X factor, I wanted to cry so bad, but I was at work and me and my mate (dnt worry, she's a supervisor, thus my superior) were both watching and listening.

But the little things set me off. If I see someone else tearing, I tear also. I'm not pregnant. But I'm just like this I guess. Maybe it's hormonal unbalance in my system and my time is coming. Lately I've been in the mood for romantic songs and stories. I'm a HOPELESS romantic at heart, so I know that once in a while I get extreme romance-mood within me. But at the moment, maybe I'm growing up?? Errrrkkk....GETTING OLD??

heavens help me. I've never been in a relationship (Thnk Gawd) and so I dnt really care about those things. and lately...i've been very weird. I cnt figure myself out. i am super confused. Yeah i'm changing the subject in circles............ no it's not about a guy. seriously. i've either got my head up in the clouds thinking about the romance story/drama/anime/mangga that i'm into at the moment, or i've sunk into my version of heaven/hell - i.e. studying (being the perfect student).

argh..................i cnt figure myself out.

YES, i forgot that Linkin Park always seem to solve my mood swings. loud and meaningful lyrics. rock-rap. LOVE-LOVE-LOVE. listening to Faint -from their 2003 Meteora Album.

lol. I dnt know the member names. but I dnt really pay attention to those things... after some time anyway.... i'll probably learn them, and then forget some other thing that i remembered... like...the protagonists for the Huan Huan Ai drama. I've already forgotten how many dramas i've watched.

The last thing i did to waste my time and gave me a lack of sleep resulting in a mangga reading marathon was Tokyo Crazy Paradise. by....yokihito yoshi?????? urgh i dnt know. But it's so funny and addicting. I laughed out loud countless times.

ok. i've got a prac test 2morow at 11am.....and it's already 9pm now over here in London.

wow......i've wasted time watching Alexandra Burke and Jordin Sparks....lol...i couldnt help myself. there are better singers worthy of listening nowadays - thnx to things like American Idol and X factor...I just hope that those popular but smallish fish singers get a better audience- the Independent singers/songwriters.

I noticed Chris Brown's wicked beats and lovely melodies are also catering to the Women of today. They're great....which brings me to another point, Beyonce, after exploring a lot more genres, even tho there's that sposed story about you stealing some small fish's song beat-for-beat, i love the fact that you're encompassing all sorts of genres in your new album. I've heard some, u're maturing and your lyrics are quite meaningful.

and another thing, there're more female artists singing about a particular topice - a gerl being in the shoes of a guy. I noticed that we're speaking up about an issue that a lot of gerlys go thru. Nt me personally, YES i know tht there're some gerlz who are playaz too, but the majority are men.............dnt get me wrong. I know both male and females get broken-hearted.

keep your ears and eyes peeled. keep your finger on the pulse.... and cruise thru Fiction wen Reality gets too heavy........

I know I do...... =p

xxxxxxxxx

Work

2008-12-12T20:32:00.000Z

hrm.....20+ mins until the end of work and I'm monitering someon as i write this. The survey's so boring and this is the 2nd survey i've heard this person conduct, only because I need to hear the ending and make sure my conscious can rest at ease that the person followed the procedures.

What's new.....hrm....i only slept 4 hrs last night coz i was HOOKED on Fated to Love You. So addictive man. It's just so hilarious and great. I was flat out tired, but once i started with the drama, I couldn't stop.

Come to think of it i have Advanced Human Physiology practical test coming up. But i dnt know wen. I just have to figure out what the HECK is going on with the practical anyhow.

gtg. not long to go and i have to enter the data into the system. Gosh i love what i do.

nix

The problem with relationships.....

2008-12-03T17:08:00.000Z

is that you end up waiting....and waiting......and waiting...........esp wen it's long distance.

Now yall might be thinkin.....is she sayin this coz she's in a long dist relationship??!!

the answer is....in my opinion: No.

The chum might say otherwise.

I only regard him as a friend. We've nv talked on the fone, but he's called me twice....he was shit scared to talk to me, tho i wonder WTF??!!........urh....let's juz say he's my best mate's brother-figure. My thoughts him and me are confused. Since i've nv met him before and he's thoughts of me are ideological, i've nv really thought of myself as in a relationship. i think he's playin with my head. Anyhow... I'm not lookin for relationships anyhow. But I emailed him recently and find myself waiting for his rely.

At least i know one more thing about him now....He's in his Third Year of uni.....just dnt ask me wat major he's doin........

and oh yeah....I know wat he looks like. but he deems himself unworthy of sending me any pictures of him himself......i had to ask my mate.

i'm not troubled by this........."relationship" coz......it just isnt......isnt it? =\

Hey My People!

2008-12-02T18:39:00.000Z

YeaH!!!! Huan Huan Ai is a Taiwanese Drama about....herh.....i give up i'm not writing the synopsis...tht's too long mannn....here, from http://wiki.d-addicts.com/Why_Why_Love :

Tong Jia Di needs a life besides work, paying down family debt, and more work. So her best friend Jiang Xiao Nan sneaks in a “Love” coupon in Jia Di’s raffle box praying that the lucky guy who draws it will sweep Jia Di off her feet. As it so happens, Huo Yan, the compassionate manager Jia Di has secret crush on, is the lucky guy. But, tho' the prince can exchange the coupon for Cinderella’s love, it doesn’t mean he will, especially when his devilish younger brother is determined to exchange his “Master/Angel” coupon for her servitude.

Lovin Rainie Yang, Mike He and Kingone Wang. They were in Devil Beside You as well. Same love triangle. Mike He is SUPER cute. Ah...him and Rainie suit. super funny Duo.

The liver bit was Tong Jia Di's brother lying to his mother about how his mate needed money for her operation and how the bro cudnt help out coz he didnt have money. Playing on that, he said how his friend had to sell his kidney.

Anyway, Rainie Yang and Kingone are both x-members of different disbanded Bands. Rainie's name that I keep mentioning isnt really her name, it was given to her to suit the Weather theme of the Band...dnt ask me what the name of their band was- it should be on her wiki d-addict profile.

I just found a website tht'll fulfill my ASEAN drama and movies addiction!! ARGGHHH..i dnt think it's a good idea.....heck check it:
http://hangul009.blogdrive.com/

with pics of the movie and wat not. I just found some reasons to watch things i was thinking of watching. But heck I cnt now..... gotta study.

xxx
NiX

Update on ME!

2008-11-26T22:38:00.001Z

LOOOOOL!!!
Afiqah ur so funny. OK-OK-OK...in the previous post I was wrong about the way Japanese apologise so i wana say sorry (yes apologise) it's gomenisai not the way i had spelled it before. LoL!!!

Hurh......I ddnt go to my 1hr lect coz i did a Why Why Love drama marathon and knew it was 3:25 in the MORN.....but i still watched it. Bad3!!! Then I woke up at 9:20 this morn and thought.. SHIT.....I'll need to shower...change....URGH... by the time i actually get dressed and all, it'll be 10 am. Which wont do me any gd, coz the LEct starts at 11am and it takes me approx 2 hours to get to uni. I over exagerate. But really...1.5hrs. I just rounded it up. THT and besides the fact that I take the train to Uni and SHAT and DAMNATION! if i miss my train, it takes approx 30mins to wait for the next one. And so i have different routes panned out. BUT I need to leave the house BY 9:20am!!!!!

So you see, bcoz i was so tired....i forgot to set my alarm clock. Simple as.

I watched more WHY WHY Ai (i cnt remember the first 2 words...LOL) for about....3+hours. Time flew by actually. THEN.....I suddenly had a mental slap and asked myself: Am I too weak that I give in to this addiction everytime I go on the Internet? That's why I flunked my in-class-test-tht-cost-me-20%-of-my-marks-test yesterday. Do i wana flunk?? NO. WHY? Bcoz:

1. My dad will be on my ass like wildfire

2. I'm payin friggin £3,145 for this friggin year...tht's another 5yrs to pay back this friggin loan!!! do you think it's a friggin game???!!!! (tht's a rhetorical qn to myself....dnt need to answer =D..)

and......
3. I HATE RE-TAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I positively LOATHE re-takes. It just means that everything i've worked for in the year, I have to do again bcoz I flunked.....then I'll just call myself dumbass. It's purely bcoz I've taken so many re-takes in my A levels that I've been traumatised. Just mention the word in front of me and i get the heebie-jeebies. :/

So i finally pulled my ass into gear.

But I'm having withdrawal symptoms:
Daydreaming about the last bit I watched.
Wanting to know if my assumption is going to be correct then cherishing the drama that's already happened.

All I need to do is mentally-kick myself and say the dreaded word: retakes...... suddenly i get the feeling that someone is evilly laughing at me....nyaa-hahahahahahahahaha....... argh.

I just finished a Drama, got hooked onto another one....

My aim: to get through this year with minimum of Bs and NO RETAKES. Then I can enjoy my 4 month vacation before i start my 3 year...and my dessertation. HAH! I need to REALLY pull up. So I can do a dessertation of my liking. argh.........

HEY!!! I'VE BEEN PROMOTED TO ANCILLARY AT MY WORKPLACE!!!!!!

They said how I had a proffessional voice and they wanted me to monitor people and give them feedback!!!!

OK....basically, I work in a call centre in London (dnt need to know exact details ;D) and we carry out tele-surveys. I've worked there since Oct 2007. And, as your interviewing skills, your strike rate (number of surveys per hour, statistically speaking, according to the average number of surveys being done by your collegues), their ability to trust you.... and the proffessionalism in your voice (as well as office politics a bit) you get to do a larger variety of surveys and get the better surveys....yes, easier surveys, more relaxing. But some can be more tricky....Like a particular cust of the Company I work for, who can put you on "standby", the nice way of refusing you, if their's is the only Survey tht's open (which rarely happens).

Ah....but diligence has paid off. I know surveys inside out. I help around. and I give feedback on how a person's interviewing skills on the phone is like. So do tht in front of fellow supervisors who used to be just like you and were interviewing, well they do the odd interviewing jobs to associate themselves with the survey before briefing us on them, you get yourself onto the first rung on tht ladder. Office politics....to go higher, you really do need to socialise! And my mate must've given feedback, bless her and someone else must've heard (another super) and the other Supers get along fine with me. So i guess they were alright with makin me monitor, since a lot of people are going along in their lives and The Company needs more Supers and monitors.

Even as I type this I'm thinkin of clickin on another page and watching http://aznv.tv and watching WHY WHY Love. btw, if you are intersted, send me a msg and I'll send you an invite. Tht reminds me, i've got to send one to someone. I cnt believe they're doing this....only joining by invite!!

Grrr....i'm so glad I found them before the new system took over!!!!

well.....gtg....

Love,
NiX

Saturday

2008-11-15T22:46:00.001Z

This is NiX reporting LIVE from London:

hahhahahaha....clear blue rox ma sox.

my left palm is itching.....bad sign......losing money. And by the intensity...quite a bit of money.
Argh. First my right then my left.

Work was nice today. I love Saturdays. They have the funnest surveys then. And Sundays no one wants to complete 20 min surveys with you anyway! =\

ahhhhh....I heart today. My sblotchy face is gettin ok. but it's at a standstill... probs bcoz i am eatin more chocs.... I CNT HELP MYSELF DAMNIT!!!
and the toxins get to the part of the body that is decent on me: The Face.

Damn those chocolates and my damn addiction to them. Seriously.

work is work and i am feeling mighty fat. reeeeeaaaaalllllly bloated by the end of the shift. and very much shitty.

i'm gona watch some "Hotaru no Hikari" even tho the storyline is quite stupid, I cnt help but fall in love with the messy heroine. I know i'm messy but she's just terrible. and quite naive. but she's hilarious. stupid hilarious and i just skip parts coz i cnt take it. LOL. but i'm addicted all the same. If you want a feel good J-drama, Shoujo: romance/comedy/for teenage girls as the target audience, (I'm 20, but i still love Shoujo drama, manga and anime) then you NEED to watch "Hana Yori Dango" on http://aznv.tv/ coz i'm still in love with it till now. It can drag, but the ending in 1 is worth it, since it must've won the best asian drama onscreen kiss. You'll see what i mean. and the second season, "Hana Yori Dango 2" is great as well. I'm waiting for the Movie to be English subbed so I can watch it.......AGAIN!!! I saw it without the subs. Wicked movie.

-----in my opinion anyway.

komenisai=sorry (for gerls anyway)
hai (said in a particular way)= ok/yes
itadakimas(u)=thanks for the food...so it was translated once, but the Japs always seem to say it with chopsticks in hand in front of their food before they eat.

I heard that you should eat food noisily to compliment the cook....esp at their house or something. But then again.....i wouldnt know since i haven't researched that yet.

Ah i love the japanese language.

I'm waiting for the next scanlation of Skip Beat to come out, complete with english translations and cleaned and all. I love Kyouko. She's awesome. I read it at www.onemanga.com i love that site. It's got ALL the manga series.

ok. enough about me.................

how bout you?

Love,
NiX

Blogging....

2008-11-14T00:23:00.000Z

Hrm...todaaayyyy...wot did i do?......

went to Uni late. attended Dr P's lect only. Missed the wonderful Dr J's lect. tht woman teaches a lot of my Lects and I can honestly say tht she's a genius. I LOVE her.

Surfed the net and signed up for a part-time job. not yet but still. anyhow. I have yet to actually study. which is very bad news. I fbked today. Just to keep my online presence in that Cyber World alive. Considering the fact that I hav family AND friends on tht site.

and then i saw D. waited for her and then she had to go see a lect at the last minute. lol. she's so funny. R and another friend of mine Rqy went to the Genetics pract. mine's soon. I know wen.

Went home with a group of my gfs and talked about Nintendo and the games available out there. I SO love the SIMS!!! I HEART them. I cnt SimCity tho. I nv understood tht game.

urhm....i should sleep. considering i hav a business proposal to discuss in the morn. shat.
i wasted so much time just staring at the computer screen.

and....people......my typing skills have improved!!!

Yataa!!!

ok.gtg. It's midnight and a half. im in such deep shit. argh....

BIG 2-0

2008-11-07T11:01:00.000Z

OMG. 20.

For years I wished ppl would forget my bdae...it's not that big a deal anyway. Wen ppl DO remember..i'm pleasently surprised and embarrassed at the same time. Wow...someone remembered my bday. LoL. i always tell ppl the day after or so after my day.

Eugh....my bro was givin me bday beats...counting in malay. Terrible. he forgot how to count in malay. Terrible innit?

This year...is different. I was tinkering on the edges of Teen-dom. Today. I have officially jumped off that edge....and into adulthood. Ok nearly..considering the adult range is usually 21.

OMFG....tht's scary.
gtg

bye!

studious study-er...

lol.yeah right.

long time... long time

2008-11-05T10:50:00.000Z

Update on my life.....

I'm in Reading Week. Urgh...the week before the mid semster exams and the week before the most important practicals take part..oh...and the week where i have to hand in my Cardio assisgnment..... OH shat i'm dreading tht.

i've not been working so much since i value my ME time, but at the same time i should actually be studying.

gtg

will write more when i dnt have anybody looming over me in the background. ciao!!xx

looongg dayy...

2008-10-23T23:27:00.001+01:00

HAHAHAHA....U dnt know how THNKFULL i am that i arrived at Uni 20mins before the actual practical - that's OUTSIDE THE LAB ROOM i'll have you know!!!!!!

leme see..... 3hrs of prac...well....almost

then 1hr me and R went lunch
-we went for those mini pizzas in our Uni coz we thought heck...why not? plus... i just got paid!!
^_^...

then a 2 hrs Intro Pharmac Lect...then a dry Human Genetics lect.

well heck, I - who slept good last night for the first time in God knows how long - was falling asleep.

i just happened to sit in the first row too.

i only hoped i wasn't too obvious and hid my face on the table and seemed reeeeeeaaalllllyyy interested in the handout in front of me.

darn.... i know it ddnt work coz she sent us on a break since half the lecture room was asleep too i think. R went home. but the really intersting part was after the break. well it wasn THT intersting.... but it wasnt bad enuff that i loomed over my handout pretending to pay attention..

-__-

arhh..........

and i saw my fellow north african A ....she's as worked out as us lot are. (2nd yrs) but she's doing pharmacy and i'm only a mere Biomedical Science. u know i should stop talking like this. Biomedical scientists are an essential part of the healthcare and medical society since it's those that are in their various fields that find out what the HECK is in your friggin SHIT that's making you feel LIKE shit.... see what would Drs do without us ey?

but that's the microbiologists- tht part of biomed...if you like that field. personally.... i dont. so i'm exploring my avenues.

i was told that Xmas time is an expecially not nice period among microbiologists in the lab.

since ppl dnt cook their turkey properly INSIDE, they get food poisoning. Check the statistics out. the worst time for ppl with food poisoning. i saw it myself. and so microbiologists hate tht busy-busy period. lots of smears...

lovely isnt it????

::blrgh::

gtg

sleepy time.

night!

xxxx

my house

2008-10-20T01:17:00.000+01:00

feels like a really bad horror movie.....

there're spiders everywhere and they just keep on popping up i thought i killed them all but they're still going strong i see....

i dnt mind much, but the four corners of my room hav the makings of the mother of all spider webs......AnD they're thick and disgustingly sticky....

:::brrr::: ((shake))

i hate the spider webs more than the actual spiders.......

or am i in denial???
::shrug::

fresh start

2008-10-20T00:55:00.000+01:00

I'd like to start off with a nice post.....But Blogger just HAD to get me pissed.....

YOUR DAMN template shit aint taking my template....and why is it so friggin complicated????

A**hol**

seriously. i am now officially pissed......

as in angry........ not drunk.

nit-twit..............

sheesh i've gotta update my gerlyz on this pg.

xx Suz